


no longer the one i always dream of

by hazhooki



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, hopefully, non-soulmates in a soulmate au actually so
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2015-11-05
Packaged: 2018-02-07 07:09:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 26,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1889646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazhooki/pseuds/hazhooki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i><b>Destiny,</b> noun: a power that is believed to control what happens in the future.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>They meet during a storm.</p><p>(or)</p><p>The non-soulmate soulmates au no one asked for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Destiny

**Author's Note:**

> WOW YO this is basically my first time posting a fic online since 2010?? or so and um yes im a bit rusty im sorry if its shitty but its in my personality ok im very shitty at heart  
> but yes this was inspired by those soulmate posts that circulated around tumblr like a few months back and yes  
> why do i keep saying yes
> 
> title was taken from [these english lyrics of answer](http://itsrazzyness.blog.fc2.com/blog-entry-4.html)

You are born with a “print” on your body.

It can appear anywhere on your body, most commonly on the wrist or the length of your arm, and manifests as a pattern at first, just a vague shape or two, lines that intertwine, splotches, dots, etc.

It’s a name.

Or it will be, once you get to that part of your life.

 

 

 

Everything feels hazy in Nagisa’s apartment as he lies on the couch in his living room, both legs dangling off of the armrests while he breathes shallowly, his lungs making this sound that’s kind of like a plane taking off and then plummeting to its doom.

Which is actually a relatively good analogy for the way he feels right now.

Really shitty.

The lights are bright overhead and even with the arm he has slung over his eyes, they still pierce his temples in the most painful way possible. He regrets not turning them off the moment Haruka left with Nagisa’s cat in tow.

He blinks, closes his eyes, tries to calm the raging headache he has, thinks.

No, wait, that was yesterday.

Yeah, right, it’s a new day already. Right.

Nagisa groans anyways.

He really wouldn’t know anymore—he’s been asleep so much (and not even continuously, just half-hour intervals that confuse him a _lot_ ) that his stomach isn’t even complaining anymore, having already accepted that its owner is too lazy and too sick to do anything other than complain about how he’s too lazy and too sick.

Wow.

_That is really shitty._

Wow.

Nagisa hears a vibration in the general area above his head and feels around for his phone, almost giving up when he doesn’t find it within thirty seconds. It takes thirty seconds more before he can open his eyes through the migraine splitting his head in half.

It’s an alarm he doesn’t remember making, but it was most definitely him who made it, if the thousand grammatical errors are anything to go by.

_youre noT THT SCK go out n get meds DON’T MAEK HARU-CHN GETIT 4 U or its gbye 2 bochan_

Nagisa groans again.

 

 

 

There’s a storm threatening to drown the city, the wind howling cruelly outside with heavy rain clouds looming across the skies that promise to make landfall any moment now.

It’s been a rough week, the shop where Nagisa works having accommodated more customers than usual over the past few days because of an ongoing seminar in a nearby hotel, and it was only made rougher by the fact that Nagisa contracted the flu early on Tuesday when a rude stranger on the train sneezed right in his face during rush hour.

(The bastard wasn’t even wearing a face mask. He should’ve been arrested or something.)

Despite the immune system Nagisa boasts about every once in a while, the incident had him leaving the train station with a runny nose and an itchy throat. When his boss started fussing over his overly pink face, he insisted that all his sneezing and coughing and general ickiness had all to do with his allergies and nothing to do with actually being sick, and that he’d be better within a few days.

“Don’t worry, Ama-chan!” he’d said stubbornly while coughing through a face mask and into his sleeve as he put on his apron.

Miho was not pleased.

Nagisa was put on accounting duty after fighting with Miho for a whole half hour to just let him work, on the condition that he get better within the next day. However, after a mere five hours of gradually worsening symptoms (to the point wherein Nagisa fainted on top of his lunch due to a fever—or maybe it was just because he hadn’t slept properly), Miho had threatened him with the usual ‘I will fire you’ line just to get him to stop coming to work for the next few days.

And Nagisa did stop, though he was full of reluctance to actually do it.

Now, two days afterwards, he’s braving the cruel, cruel weather just to get medicine for his swollen sinuses, and that’s not to mention the store closest to his house is closed because the owners are out of town for the month and there was nobody to manage it while they were away.

Nagisa snivels underneath his face mask and waits for the train doors to open.

He really shouldn’t have waved Haruka away as quick as he had—at the fifteen year mark of their friendship, one would think that Nagisa would have already outgrown his dependency on the older man, but no, at twenty-three years old, Nagisa is still as irresponsible as ever.

Can’t even take care of a cat to the point that his best friend has to confiscate the cat.

A cold wind makes Nagisa’s blonde curls dance as he steps out of the train.

Haruka had asked if he needed someone to take care of him, but since an overflowing amount of stubbornness constitutes the most of Nagisa’s personality, he had refused and proudly said, “’M not gonna die, Haru-chan! Don’t worry!”

Haruka had answered him with a deadpan glare that screamed ‘yeah right,’ and in retaliation, Nagisa had pushed him out the door with Bocchan and a shout of ‘have fun.’

Magnificent.

If Nagisa had known that his medicine trove was empty, he wouldn’t have done that.

But he didn’t.

So, yes, this whole week has just been absolutely miserable, he thinks while subconsciously rubbing at the inside of his wrist as he jogs down the stairs of the station into the town proper. He struggles to open his not-so-trusty penguin umbrella before starting to walk, body tucked into his warm coat as best as possible while Kyary Pamyu Pamyu blasts into his ears.

Just plain miserable.

It’s not too late to be out—the time only being around half past seven or so—but the area is quiet with just a few people out and about. Nagisa manages to cross a street with no problem even while the pedestrian stoplights are shining red. There are headlights in the distance when he looks before crossing another intersection, but the lights are a good ways away. The residents must have all paid proper attention to the storm warnings and locked themselves in their houses with the heat on full blast and hot miso soup in their stomachs.

The thought makes Nagisa slightly grumpier and his stomach growl painfully, because his kotatsu at home broke down sometime last month because of his cat messing with it, and because there’s no food in his cupboards due to Nagisa procrastinating on the grocery shopping.

(It was the weekend that Haruka had invited him to swim. Like hell was he going to refuse that.)

It’s then that he remembers that he hasn’t had any food since around eleven that morning, having slept through most of the afternoon because of his lethargy. He checks his temperature with the back of his hand and sighs upon the conclusion that he _still_ has a fever.

Of course.

Lying around in bed really wasn’t gonna cut it, even if he insisted on it.

He burrows further into his coat.

Lightning flashes across the dark skies like some kind of morbid warning for Nagisa to hurry the hell up; he urges his heavy legs to waddle _more_ once he sees the bright sign of the pharmacy down the street, the rumble of thunder resonating in his abdomen and egging him on even more. He starts to _wheeze_ , using his umbrella as a mini cane as he tries to make a run for it—it doesn’t help (why did he think it even would) so he stomps instead in utter frustration as the rain begins to fall lightly.

Optimism makes Nagisa feel like he’s walking faster than he was before, and he’s thinking that maybe it’s not gonna rain that hard after all, oh _sweet_ , but surprise surprise, it starts pouring once he’s halfway there, the rain drenching him and soaking through at _least_ two layers.

The cold weather thundering over him is such a sudden relief to the uncomfortably clammy warmth underneath his clothes that he stays right there for at least five minutes and almost makes up his mind to stay there until he stops feeling so horrible, but then he remembers, oh right, he’s sick, and he regrettably waddles into the store.

He’s shivering incredibly once he puts his useless umbrella in the umbrella rack by the door, and his eyes start burning and watering at the intensity of the pharmacy’s incredibly _white_ interior and the urge to sleep brought about by his sickness.

The sheer stupidity of his decision suddenly slaps him in the face and makes a watery, muddy grave seem like an incredibly good idea, but the thought is crushed at once by the thought of his cat staying in his apartment, alone forever, because his owner was dumb enough to stand in the rain while sick with the flu.

It would be devastating for little Bocchan to be left defenseless in a world like this.

Or actually, Nagisa thinks Bocchan wouldn’t actually notice. He’s a fickle little tabby who likes Haruka way more than he likes his actual owner, and Nagisa thinks he’d actually prefer if Nagisa were to die.

Nagisa pretends he’s not crying on the inside as he wanders into an aisle where he _thinks_ the cup noodles are in, getting water virtually everywhere every time he moves. He pushes his hair back in an attempt to not poke his eyes out as he returns his earphones into his surprisingly not wet (maybe damp) pockets and grabs five cup noodles of assorted flavors.

The store is absolutely void of other customers, and it comes as a relief. How embarrassing would it have been if Nagisa’d vomited on some other customer’s shoes?

The answer is irrelevant because he’d probably be too _dead_ to remember it happening anyways.

There’s only one person aside from him, and it’s an employee at the counter staring at him worriedly. Nagisa fidgets once he notices the man looking; he pulls his coat closer as a sort of barrier despite the awful wet way it sticks to his skin, setting the cup noodles in a stack on the counter while he rubs at his wrist out of habit.

Yeah. The room is starting to spin.

Great.

He shouldn’t have stood in the rain for as long as he did.

The employee is still staring at him worriedly and there’s a pause before he’s asking Nagisa how he can help in the standard salesman way, but the scowl to his lips does not disappear at all, the scowl actually deepening in what Nagisa thinks is concern.

Nagisa tries to look everywhere but at the tall man, brain processing as slow as molasses, and it’s an entire moment of embarrassment before his mouth catches up to what he wants to say, which is, “Oh, hi, um, I’m sick with the flu.”

He winces at how croaky his voice sounds. _Ugh._

The employee— _Rei_ , Nagisa reads off of his nametag—frowns, eyebrows rising to his hairline as he replies, “Y-yes. It would seem so, sir. Um.”

Nagisa nods, regretting the action when it makes his temples pulse, and announces the medicine he needs. “…maybe like ten paracetamol and… mefenamic,” he mumbles under his breath, gradually feeling worse with every second that passes by, and pulls his pink wallet out of the pocket of his raincoat (thank god it’s waterproof, _thank you, Rin-chan_ ).

“That’s gonna be—sir?” Rei cuts himself off before he can tell Nagisa the price, and Nagisa just wants to kinda throw a few bills into the employee’s face and be off. The room is now spinning uncontrollably and Nagisa feels sick, way sicker than ten minutes earlier and it’s horrible—there’s bile climbing his throat and it’s all he can do to push it back down.

He just really wants to go home.

“Sir? Do you need to sit down? You look green, like literally green— _please don’t vomit, oh god_ —”

Nagisa shakes his head as if to say of course not, but it’s obviously a bad idea, another wave of nausea hitting him and he blinks, tries to push it down again, fully intending to open his eyes back up, but it takes _so long_ for his eyes to open again that he just… maybe… tries to sleep.

Just for a little while.

Yeah. That sounds good.

 

 

 

Rei outright squawks in surprise as the customer suddenly slumps against the counter and slowly slips to the floor, turning into a puddle of wet clothes and red splotchy skin. He stares, shocked, at the stack of cup noodles to the side before he warily leans across the counter and calls, “U-um, sir? Sir? Are you okay?”

Obviously, the customer doesn’t answer since he is as unconscious as something that is dead, breathing so shallow that it's as if he's not breathing at all.

Rei promptly starts panicking over what to do as he jumps over the counter and tries to wake him up. The small man really hadn’t been kidding when he said he was sick—his skin is blazing, he’s sweating underneath his dripping clothes, and it’s all Rei can do to stop himself from fainting as well out of worry.

He resolves to start with bringing the customer to where he can rest, not really questioning if he would appreciate being brought into a stranger’s living quarters or not. He rushes to close the pharmacy properly, almost slipping on puddles while he runs around, before carrying the blonde man up the stairs to his apartment on the second floor, nudging the light switch on with an elbow and then promptly freaking out about where he should put the unconscious man.

The couch? The bed in his room? Which is a very private place, by the way—Rei’s never had anyone in there aside from himself and—his thoughts are interrupted when the man in his arms suddenly groans and he feels the water seeping into his uniform.

He resolves to place the stranger on the couch first, and the moment Rei’s arms are out from underneath him, the stranger starts shivering harder, face crumpled into what Rei can only describe as agony. Within the next second, Rei has a hand reaching up to rub at the back of his neck and the bridge of his nose and his forearms as he tries to talk himself into undressing this _complete stranger, Rei, goddammit, just do it, he’s gonNA DIE—_

Rei pulls at his hair and wipes his glasses clean with his uniform as a final attempt at gathering courage.

Okay.

_Okay._

He can do this.

Trembling fingers hesitantly reach for the stranger’s damp raincoat, but quickly retract when the man suddenly speaks (“Haru-chan, don’t take my cat away—”) and his hand shoots out to grab at air. Rei waits for him to talk more, or maybe wake up so that he can undress himself, but the stranger doesn’t stir again throughout the five minutes Rei stands stiffly beside the couch.

Sleeptalking. Great. Oh god, great.

Oh god how is he supposed to do this.

He tries again with clammier hands and a pounding heartbeat, and manages to wrestle off the man’s raincoat, hanging it over a chair to dry.

Underneath the coat, the man wears a pink wool sweater, and Rei can only imagine how uncomfortable that must be. He props him up into a sitting position, causing the stranger to slump heavily against him and wow, you’d never expect someone with a frame like this would weigh this heavy, but he does and Rei struggles to pull the sweater off the blonde.

By the time he’s done, he’s flushed and breathing heavily.

Whether it’s out of embarrassment or actual exertion, it doesn’t really matter because he still has to take off a shirt, which is _hopefully_ the last layer the stranger is wearing.

It has a penguin printed on the front. Cute.

More colour fills Rei’s cheeks as he easily takes the t-shirt off of the blonde.

He totally does not look at the man’s torso, because _that is an inappropriate thing to do._

Instead, he turns towards the end of the couch to unlace the stranger’s shoes, pulling off pink converse and socks that are unpleasantly wet and slightly muddy—Rei forgets being flustered in favour of being appalled, holding the damp footwear at an arm’s length with only two fingers, setting them down on the chair where the rest of the man’s things are hanging off of.

The pants also come off, not without trouble (he can never understand why people wear skinny jeans) and more embarrassment on Rei’s behalf, and with almost another second’s hesitation, he gathers the stranger into his arms once again.

It’s not necessarily a long trip from the living room to Rei’s bedroom, but it becomes one when the blonde man suddenly wakes up and tries to sit up like how a person normally would—Rei loses his balance and drops the stranger, who panics once he realizes he’s falling and grabs the closest thing he can reach, which is, unfortunately, Rei’s neck.

You can almost imagine how horrible that turns out.

 

 

 

Ten minutes later, the blonde man is still asleep, but now rests comfortably in a nest of blankets on Rei’s bed, and Rei is in the living room alternating applying ice to his elbows, having hit both of them on the floor (they had _clacked_ ).

He makes a note to remember that his patient has an alarming tendency to do things in his sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> congratulations on getting this far  
> no really omg thank you  
> i will start making sense soon  
> like im literally finishing the next chapter right now so i can post it in like hopefully a few hours bc im paranoid like that


	2. Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**Memory,** noun: an image or impression of one that is remembered._

Nagisa’s always thought of how it would be to meet _them_ , wondered how the whole situation would play out, if it would be worth the wait or if he’d hate his partner at once. Maybe it’d be someone from a different country or a famous TV personality; maybe it’d be someone he barely knew from childhood or someone he was yet to meet. The meeting would be in a coffee shop—someone would buy him a cookie while he sipped from his drink, and that’d be it.

Love at first sight.

Always love at first sight.

That’s always been what he’s seen online and watched in shows and heard from people around him.

They say it’s magical when it happens, like everything slows down until your eyes meet theirs.

Love at first sight.

Nagisa remembers seeing Haruka swim for the first time as a child.

It was also their first meeting, and he remembers how enamoured he was with Haruka’s beauty, so enchanted that he was tongue-tied when his mother told him to introduce himself to Haruka once the older boy had finally come out of the pool. Haruka was the same as a kid, quiet and expressionless unless you knew where to look, and Nagisa was almost too scared to talk.

Haruka’s voice was simultaneously warm and cold at the time as he said, “It’s nice to meet you.”

Nagisa wouldn’t know how unusual it was until months later, but Haruka had smiled at him.

It was a small smile, barely there and barely reaching his eyes, but it was enough to make little Nagisa’s stomach flutter and spur him into answering with a squeaky ‘ _my name is Nagisa and can I be your friend?_ ’

As taken aback as the older boy seemed, he had nodded nonetheless.

Afterwards, they’d swam until their mothers had to threaten them to come out of the pool.

That was Nagisa’s first experience with love and his happiest memory at age eight.

At age eleven, his print had become clearer, taking on a distinct colour that made it impossible for Nagisa to deny its legitimacy—then, he was still nurturing a crush on Haruka, and as the print on his wrist became more and more insistent in its presence, as if challenging him, Nagisa had wondered if it counted if you loved someone whose name was not written on your skin.

His parents had told him their story, and so had two of his older sisters.

They had all fallen in love at first sight.

Had waited endlessly for _the_ one.

They’d said that the print becomes _the_ one’s name, had shown him their prints and Nagisa had looked hesitantly at his own marks, looked at the braille-like dots that were the colour of grass on a sunny day.

They’d said you’d match with the one.

Haruka’s print is made up of symmetrical lines running down his right rib.

Nagisa may or may not have avoided Haruka for two days after that epiphany.

Five years later, he gets a crush on a classmate who has a bowlcut, the most mesmerizing blue eyes, with a beauty mark underneath the left one, and an adorable tendency for flailing his arms about when flustered. His name is Nitori and he accidentally finds out about Nagisa’s infatuation when Nagisa forgets to rip out pages out of a notebook Nitori borrows. They share just one kiss during the entire run of their relationship, a chaste one that makes both of them blush to the roots of their hair, because later that year, Nitori finds the person whose print matches his in a bookstore.

Nagisa sometimes thinks back on those few beautiful weeks and wistfully sighs, because now, Nitori is about to get married to his childhood friend.

But the entire bottom line is.

What if you meet someone who doesn’t have your name written on their skin but is perfect anyways?

Do you say ‘ _well, this just sucks, doesn’t it_?’ and skip out on them?

Do you keep looking for the print that matches yours or do you settle for this perfect one?

What do you do?

Nagisa reaches for his wrist with the intention to rub at his marks like he always does when he feels stressed, but they’re not there and he has one extra finger on his right hand.

He is also riding on an orca, who is swimming through an ocean of sand.

There’s a tugging sensation all over his body, joined with a prickly heat in his gut, but he ignores it in favour of holding onto the orca tightly with his extra fingered hand in case he falls, questions still running through his head at a speed that makes him uncomfortable and want to scream ‘ _shut up_.’

Nagisa sees a kaleidoscope of butterflies near an oasis up ahead and the orca is headed straight for it, apparently not noticing the flutter until the crash is imminent—Nagisa reaches around the orca with both arms and pulls, tries to steer it in a different direction, but they still crash right into the butterflies, everything turning to darkness, falling, falling, falling.

He’s falling through stars and there are even more butterflies in his mind and his stomach and underneath his skin and he’s _falling_ and it’s _terrifying—_

 

 

 

It’s another dream, Nagisa thinks once he comes to, this time in a bed instead of a desert, bundled up in a swath of blankets like his mother used to do when he was a kid. There is the muffled sound of rain beating down heavily outside, and he thinks maybe it’s _not_ a dream when a cold breeze from an open window touches one of his bare shoulders, making him burrow further into the makeshift nest. He curls into himself and the blankets—it’s warm, but not warm enough, and he groans when he realizes that he’s not wearing anything.

He is literally sick enough that he is unable to remember taking off his clothes prior to falling unconscious.

“ _See, this is what happens when you don’t take care of yourself properly!_ ” says a voice in his head that sounds suspiciously like Miho. There’s barely a pause before the voice starts a tirade about a certain historical figure saying something entirely irrelevant, and Nagisa groans louder.

He’s really worked at the coffee shop too long.

Thunder rumbles loudly while Nagisa sits up, stomach growling painfully as he looks around and promptly realises that he’s not home at all—it kind of feels like home, but the room he is in is unfamiliar. Fear is quick to bubble up in his chest as he pulls the blankets closer as if it will make him safer. He tries carding through his memories and remember what exactly he was doing before falling asleep.

Well, there was Haruka and his cat.

No, wait.

Pharmacy. Nagisa remembers going to the pharmacy. He was out buying medicine.

There were also cup noodles.

Wait. Did he _faint_?

He remembers approaching the employee at the counter and not much after that.

His hands come up to rub the sleep out of his aching eyes and he groans again for the third time.

Haruka was right. Nagisa really doesn’t know how to take care of himself—the older boy was always there anyways and Nagisa barely got sick, so it’s not like it was ever necessary to worry about situations like this, but, wow, talk about irresponsibility to the extreme! He briefly considers grovelling to Haru to teach him the basics of living like an actual adult, but his thoughts are interrupted when a voice speaks from the direction of the doorway, utter relief painting their words.

"You’re awake! I thought you were already, um, _dead_ , but obviously not… um… Anyways—”

It’s.

Nagisa stares at the tall man standing by the door, at his almost blue hair and his red-framed glasses, and exclaims, “Mister Employee!” despite himself.

There’s a pause before both of them are blushing, Nagisa out of embarrassment and ‘Mister Employee’ _also_ out of embarrassment—it’s actually pretty amazing to witness two complete strangers blush simultaneously, their face adopting the same sheepish expression and the same shade of red within three seconds.

“That’s not my name!” the tall man sternly insists after a while. “My name is Rei. Rei Ryuugazaki.”

Nagisa knows he should be saying something but he can’t help but stare for a while at Rei fidgeting, at Rei pulling the sleeves of his bulky sweater up to the elbow, showing off sculpted forearms and nice, big hands. He knows it’s rude to stare, but even with the purple monstrosity that Rei is wearing, it’s pretty obvious that he’s fit.

It’s pretty hard not to smile, especially at someone who is as good-looking as _Rei Ryuugazaki_ (wow, even his name is charming), as he finally answers, “I’m Nagisa Hazuki!” He immediately holds out a hand out of habit, letting go of one end of the blanket that keeps him warm and letting it fall to the side. “It’s nice to meet you, Rei-chan!”

Rei doesn’t immediately approach to shake Nagisa’s proffered hand, but when he does, he goes the _wrong_ way, heading for the other side of the room where Nagisa is most definitely not in. The blonde man almost feels offended, bitterly watching the other man rifle through his closet and _ignore_ him, but after a minute, Rei hands him a pair of pajamas, eyes modestly kept away from Nagisa’s nudeness while he sets the clothes down as near to Nagisa as he can.

Nagisa makes an ‘oh’ sound, drawing it out longer when the situation finally sinks in. He considers acting embarrassed, but—he glances at his abdomen, at his flat stomach and tanned skin, and then at Rei, who is trying to close a stubborn window—he’s got nothing to be embarrassed about, so.

He dresses quickly, struggling slightly with the pajama pants when his legs refuse to move at first.

The clothes are big on him, the sleeves almost overlapping his fingers and the neckline of the top dipping too low for warmth’s sake, but it’s alright, he guesses. The pajamas’ butterfly design and inverted colours match and Nagisa thinks that yes, he wants a pair of these for himself at home.

Or maybe he should just steal these when Rei isn’t looking.

“Are you done dressing, Hazuki-san?” Rei asks from the window, where he still he refuses to turn around, presumably to preserve his and Nagisa’s dignity and it would be funny if Nagisa didn’t find it incredibly cute instead.

Nagisa says yes, making to stand up, but Rei doesn’t let him, insisting that he not exert too much effort lest he have a harder time recovering. He ends up getting carried into the dining room; it’s an incredibly enjoyable yet short-lived ride. Rei’s body is incredibly firm around Nagisa as he is carried bridal-style (of all the ways to carry someone, why bridal-style, Nagisa asks himself) across the apartment. It’s a sad loss once he’s been helped into a chair.

“Let me just heat up the miso,” Rei says before disappearing into the kitchen.

(Nagisa may or may not have sighed dreamily as he watched Rei walk away.)

It takes a few minutes before the strong urge to fill the silence overcomes Nagisa and he calls to Rei, “Hey, I’m sorry for fainting in your shop!” He tucks his legs into a cross-legged position to keep his toes warm, also hiding his fingers in the sleeves of the oversized pajama top he wears. “Also, sorry for getting everything wet!”

Rei reappears as quickly as he had gone, bringing with him miso soup and a sizable bowl of rice. “Don’t worry about it. I can always clean it in the morning,” he answers, setting down the food in front of Nagisa. “ _I’m_ sorry for bringing you up here without asking. You were already unconscious, so it’s not as if I’d have been able to ask, but, anyways, um.”

Nagisa slurps up his miso gracelessly, but manages to keep the soup off of anything it shouldn’t be on, breathing out a satisfied sigh as he feels the pain in his stomach start to wane. He shrugs, rice bits flying as he replies cheerfully, “I’m feeling way better now, actually. Thank you.”

Rei resists the urge to sarcastically say ‘I can see that,’ answering with a smile he can’t help hide instead while reaching for the other man’s items on the other end of the table and sliding them to Nagisa smoothly. “By the way, your phone has been steadily receiving messages and calls since I took it out of your raincoat,” he says. “Most of the calls are from a ‘Haru-chan’ with a heart?”

Nagisa freezes, a spoonful of rice midway to his mouth.

“Shit.”

 

 

 

“I’m so sorry, Haru-chan!“ Nagisa shouts into his phone, face crumpled into misery as he presumably gets a verbal lashing from this ‘Haru-chan with a heart.’ He looks utterly troubled to Rei, who is standing by the laundry room door waiting for the washing machine to automatically turn off.

The washing machine’s sounds start to gradually slow down, and Rei hears Nagisa shout another plea as he pulls the blonde man’s clothes out of the machine and then puts them in the dryer. He presses a few buttons and soon the dryer is doing that clunky thing it does and Rei is waltzing back into the living room where the TV is showing weather news and Nagisa is frantically trying to calm his friend down.

The tall man sits down on the recliner and glances at the time—it’s already past ten pm. Nagisa doesn’t need to take his medicine for another four hours, so Rei guesses he can just set an alarm so that the other man doesn’t neglect to take them.

Out of the corner of his eye, Rei sees Nagisa make kissy faces and then laugh at his phone, and it occurs to him that that’s probably his boyfriend or something. There’s this fond expression Nagisa makes before murmuring a ‘don’t worry,’ and Rei suddenly feels jealous. He adjusts his glasses, silently wincing—jealousy isn’t a very beautiful emotion.

Though if Rei is being honest with himself, it really does make him feel slightly sad.

Out of habit, he touches the junction where his neck meets his shoulder, where there is a maze of faint red lines that runs from there to just under his right collarbone, and pouts—he’s never been the type to search out ‘the one,’ as some people put it, because he’s always thought that what will happen will happen, that it’s all up to _destiny_ or something like that, and if you try to get ahead of that, well.

You’ll end up with more trouble than love is worth.

Or at least that’s what Makoto had said last month when he’d started getting a crush again, this time on his new neighbour, who unfortunately, turned out to already be engaged.

(To be entirely honest, though, Makoto falls for nice people all too quickly.)

“Rei-chan?” Nagisa suddenly says, or probably not suddenly—he’s already staring at Rei when he looks up, and Rei feels embarrassed for getting lost in his thoughts. At least he didn’t start mumbling like he sometimes does. The blonde man hands over the phone, saying that ‘Haru-chan’ wants to talk to him, and Rei can’t say that he’s not slightly nervous.

“Hello? This is Rei Ryuugazaki speaking.”

“ _Eh? This is Rei Ryuugazaki-kun?_ ”

The voice is familiar.

“Nanase-san!” Rei exclaims, feeling incredibly relieved that he doesn’t have to be overly formal and polite to a stranger. “I didn’t know you knew Hazuki-san.”

“ _I didn’t know you knew him either._ ”

“Oh, I just met him today.”

“ _Oh. But this is good. I can trust you to take care of Nagisa for the night. Can you drop him off at the library tomorrow morning?_ ”

Rei makes a face. Well, he doesn’t exactly need to open the pharmacy that early, so. “I can do that.”

“ _Good. Thank you. Tell him I’m sorry. I—No, Bocchan, don’t mess with that—_ ”

The call suddenly ends, and Rei is left staring at Nagisa’s pink and black phone and its home screen.

“You know Haru-chan, Rei-chan?” Nagisa starts excitedly, leaning across the gap between the couch and the recliner to put his elbows on top of an armrest. He smiles widely, seeming intimidatingly friendly as he asks, “How did you meet?”

“I regularly visit the library where he works,” Rei answers, nervously inching away from the overly eager blonde as much as the recliner allows. “And please don’t call me—”

Nagisa interrupts, “I work in the café just down the street from there!” and Rei should probably feel annoyed, even just the slightest bit, but it’s only with exasperation that he sighs and tries to pay attention to the other man. “This must be a sign that we should hang out more, Rei-chan!”

Nagisa doesn’t say anything else after that and Rei is left feeling uncomfortable with how silent it’s suddenly become, the cold quiet air only giving way to the pitter-patter of rain outside and the droning speech of the weatherman on TV. Rei had been expecting Nagisa to start on a tirade of planning hangouts and the like, since he proved to be talkative earlier when he was on the phone with Haruka, but now he’s just… staring.

Staring at Rei.

Rei looks at where Nagisa is staring and sees that the wide neckline of his sweater has become slightly skewed, showing off the red print on his collarbone. He blushes, feeling uncomfortable with how the other man stares unabashedly at him, and fixes his sweater.

Nagisa seems to come to when the print is taken out of his sight and he sits back on his haunches, uncharacteristically murmuring a soft apology as he looks away. “I didn’t mean to stare,” he says while he tucks his legs into a cross-legged position again; a small, almost weak smile replaces the prior one that had been chased away so quickly as he pulls up one of his sleeves to show Rei the green print on his left wrist. “Here’s mine, though! To make things equal.”

It’s pretty, Rei thinks.

The green dots Nagisa’s wrist from his pulse point, where the most of it is gathered in a swirl, to halfway down his forearm, where it fades gradually until there are no more. If it were any other colour, they would probably have been mistaken for freckles, but either way… it’s pretty.

Rei looks up at Nagisa, who is still trying to avoid his eyes, and gently asks, “Do you want to see mine again?”

“It’s okay?” Nagisa asks back hesitantly, but the keenness in his eyes is unmistakable.

The tall man pulls down the neckline instead of answering, and Nagisa smiles wider.

“Is it alright if I touch it?” he mumbles as he leans closer, eyes tracing carefully over the painstaking pattern on Rei’s shoulder, fingers already reaching for it but not closing in until Rei answers with a squeak of ‘yes.’

His fingers are light as they skate over the red maze, across the junction where Rei’s shoulder meets his neck, almost ticklish when they trace the squares and corners and angles that culminate mostly under Rei’s right collarbone. “It’s like a flower,” Nagisa whispers with an amazed tone as he continues with his feather-light touches.

If Rei hadn’t been paying as much attention as he had been, he wouldn’t have caught the next word that tumbles off of Nagisa’s lips almost mindlessly, the blonde man’s voice barely above a breath.

‘ _Beautiful_.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am not on a schedule with updating this but i will try to update as often as possible, most likely with 3k chapters, because apparently after 3k, my head just kind of goes WOAH YOURE WRITING TOO MUCH NOW  
> so yeah sorry if its too short or long or idk but yes thank you for reading nonetheless <3
> 
> let me know what you think? yes? no? it would really help <3  
> [also i have a tumblr](http://toasterization.tumblr.com/)


	3. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**Confusion,** noun: a situation in which people are uncertain about what to do or are unable to understand something clearly._

Nagisa’s fever breaks the next morning around seven. He’s still got the runny nose and cough, but he’s marginally better off than he was the previous day, much to both his and Rei’s relief.

Over their breakfast, he mentions the fact that he only managed to get this worse in three days because he was really just too lazy to do much else aside from sleep through his fever and hunger, and he even seems proud of the achievement, if it can be called that.

It’s no wonder to Rei why Haruka seemed so worried for this  _child._

“Take better care of yourself, Hazuki-san!” Rei scolds as he watches Nagisa knock back the last of his pills for that morning, chasing the medicine down with a gulp of his diabetes-inducing hot chocolate.

“I have you now, though!” Nagisa argues as he watches Rei gather their plates and disappear into the kitchen with a sigh, totally missing the massive smile Nagisa then proceeds to plaster across his face.

“That is no excuse not to take care of yourself,” he hears Rei answer from the kitchen. “Just because you have me does not mean you shouldn’t be responsible at all.”

‘Yes, but being responsible is for chumps’ is what Nagisa wants to reply with, but he suddenly finds that he doesn’t have a voice and that there is a growing warmth in the pit of his stomach that feels all too familiar for comfort. What was previously a staged smile on his lips slowly becomes sincere, and the emotion is so jarring that Nagisa can’t help but feel maybe a bit apprehensive.

Rei didn’t reject the idea of Nagisa ‘having him,’ whatever that implies.

There’s a fuzzy feeling stuck in the blonde man’s throat and it’s.

It’s probably nothing but it’s. It’s nice.

Rei finally exits the kitchen, patting his wet hands on the front of his shirt and pants—Nagisa must have been acting way too obvious, since the first thing Rei does upon looking at him is put a hand against his forehead and worriedly ask, “Are you feeling sick again, Hazuki-san?”

It’s too nice.

 

 

 

They leave for Haruka’s workplace at half-past seven, despite Rei’s protests of it being too early. He had been very insistent on waiting until at least eight-thirty before leaving since it would be a waste of time just loitering around the area, but he had not lasted long under the pressure of Nagisa’s special brand of wheedling. Just a few nuzzles of Nagisa’s curly-haired head against Rei’s arm had been enough to make him cave, even though Rei had previously stated that he had a ‘ _steel resolve_ ’ and that ‘ _Nagisa could not possibly do or say_ anything at all _to convince him otherwise._ ’

“It’s fifteen minutes from here to the appropriate station,” Rei starts once they step onto the train. “By then, it will still be an hour or so until the library opens, so… we could…” He watches Nagisa head straight for the windows, a wide smile making the blonde man’s cheeks swell adorably while he stares at the buildings and scenery that pass by quickly.

Rei doesn’t realize that he’s lost track of his thoughts until Nagisa looks up and directs his sunny expression at him. “So what do we do while we wait for Haruka-san?” he asks, trying not to let on too much that he was speechless for all of ten seconds. Much to his relief, the blonde man doesn’t seem to notice, if the way he quickly looks back out the window is anything to go by.

“We could hang out at my workplace!” Nagisa suggests. “I told you that it’s just right down the road from where Haru-chan works, right? Yeah! And it’s a really nice coffee shop, too—I bet you’d fit right in!”

“Didn’t you say that your boss would fire you if you tried to come in again this week?”

“Well, yes, but, like.” The blonde pouts. “She won’t fire me if I come in as a customer!”

“Uh—“ Rei’s hand comes up to adjust his glasses, an unnecessary movement that only serves to push them uncomfortably high on the bridge of his nose that his eyelashes brush against the lenses. “I don’t—“

“That’s settled then!” Nagisa interrupts.

Of course.

 

 

 

On the dining table back at Rei’s apartment, Nagisa’s phone lets out a series of pings.

 **From:** Haru-chan <3  
_I won’t be able to come to work today I think I caught whatever you were sick with_

 **From:** Haru-chan <3  
_Tell Rei to watch you for another day I don’t have his number_

 **From:** Haru-chan <3  
_Rei don’t leave him alone Nagisa will probably get sick again if you do_

 **From:** Haru-chan <3  
_Your key is with me anyways so its not like you can go home_

 

 

 

The interior of Nagisa’s workplace is deceptively small upon entering, thanks to the placement of the display shelves full of merchandise right at the entrance. However, once past those, Rei finds that the café is actually a wide space, a comfortable amount of tables and couches arranged in such a way that it would not look crowded even if every seat was taken.

“So this is where you work,” Rei comments as Nagisa leads him inside, the blonde man doing jazz hands while gesturing to everything and cheerily saying ‘ta-da.’

“Cozy, isn’t it?” Nagisa says, sitting down at the first empty table he comes upon. “I work as the barista, sometimes the cashier if Gou-chan wants to switch, though Ama-chan doesn’t really like us doing that because I tend to flirt with the customers.” He lets out a tiny bark of a laugh as he leans into his hands, staring off into space while recalling memories. “It gets me tips.”

Rei can’t help but snort at that, a hand hiding his amused expression as he adjusts his glasses out of habit. “Of course it does,” he drawls, raising an eyebrow at the other man, who pokes his tongue out in reply, before switching his gaze to the chalkboard menus above the counter. “I’m pretty sure people would rather they get their morning coffee in peace than get teased by you.”

Nagisa giggles at that, laughs so delicately that it’s painfully apparent he’s faking it; he copies Rei and smugly raises his eyebrow right back, a small smirk playing on his expression when he replies, “Silly Rei-chan! I mean tips as in phone numbers.”

The taller man stares at Nagisa for a whole three seconds as if Nagisa’s grown another head before clearing his throat and incredulously asking, “Isn’t that a bit unprofessional? How have you not gotten fired?”

Nagisa laughs genuinely this time, laughs so hard that he has to clutch his sides and wipe a tear from his eye, and Rei pouts confusedly. “But… I didn’t say anything funny,” he says, sounding almost upset, and in response, Nagisa waves a hand as if to say ‘no, that’s not it.’ It’s a few seconds before he’s able to calm down and catch his breath, and by the end of it, Rei is still pouting, maybe a bit more upset than ten seconds ago.

“I’m sorry, Rei-chan,” the blonde giggles as he wipes his thumb under his eyes. “I didn’t mean to laugh, but I wasn’t laughing at you, I swear!” He lets out a big breath, a hand patting his chest softly. “But Ama-chan would never fire me! She loves me too much to let me go, and it’s not like I always do it.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“I only flirt with the cute ones!” Nagisa exclaims, smiling slightly. “So you should come in sometime! It’ll be fun.”

Rei pulls a blank face. “I’m not sure I get what you mean,” he answers, eyebrows furrowing into a knot in confusion.

Nagisa just grins, but the expression quickly drops when someone shouts his name from across the shop. “Quick, Rei-chan, what drink do you want?” he presses, already half out of his chair.

The taller man furrows his eyebrows, glancing between the lady stalking towards them and Nagisa and the menus above the counter in confusion, and promptly stumbles over his words. “I-I don’t know? Plain—plain anything?”

“Barley tea! Okay!”

“That’s not—!”

“Na-gi-sa- _kun_ ,” comes the terrifying voice again. “Didn’t I ban you from coming to work for the rest of the week?” Miho calls after Nagisa, but he manages to scurry on over to Gou by the counter before she reaches the table he was previously sitting on. She huffs, scowling intensely.

Thankfully there are only a few customers, most of whom ignore the would-be kerfuffle, and Miho immediately deflates, her expression softening from threatening to one of fond disbelief, much to Rei’s relief. “That boy, I swear,” she mumbles exasperatedly under her breath, tucking a stray strand of brown hair behind her ear before turning to Rei. “Are you Nagisa-kun’s friend?” she asks sweetly, way too sweetly.

In fact, it almost seems as if she’s trying to ask something else entirely.

Rei doesn’t really notice. “Oh, yes, I am, ma’am,” he answers, offering a suddenly sweaty palm to shake. “My name is Rei Ryuugazaki. It’s very nice to meet you.”

“I’m Miho Amakata, Nagisa’s boss,” Miho replies, delicately shaking Rei’s hand before occupying the chair Nagisa vacated. “So, Nagisa-kun seems healthier. You’ve been taking care of him very well, haven’t you?”

Rei lets out a hesitant laugh and rubs a hand over the side of his neck. “Oh, well, yes,” he starts, eyes darting from the table to Miho’s hands on the table to Nagisa leaning across the counter. “I-I did not exactly have a choice, you see.” He’s beginning to build up a formidable blush, the red staining his cheeks darkly with every passing second. “I could not  _not_  take care of him.”

The brunette smiles kindly. “Nagisa-kun just has that pull, hm?”

It’s a confusing sentence, but Rei says yes anyways.

 

 

 

Gou slides a Venti strawberry frappe and a tall iced mint barley tea towards Nagisa, who hands over a few bills. “So, who’s that guy you’re with, hmm?” she asks while ringing up the purchase on the cash register. “He looks cute.  _Too_  cute, actually.”

The blonde man scrunches his nose. “Are you saying that Rei-chan is too cute for  _me_?” he asks back, faking an offended tone, even though his smile easily gives him away. “I thought you were my friend, Gou-chan!”

“ _Kou._ ”

“Gou.”

“ _Kou—_ and see, that’s why we’re not friends!” Gou exclaims faux-indignantly, pointing an accusatory finger at Nagisa and poking him harshly with her painted nail. She gleefully watches her friend make a pained face in response, continuing, “But really though, who is he?”

Nagisa doesn’t even get a chance to reply before she’s erupting with an excited squeal and “Is he your boyfriend, Nagisa-kun? Why didn’t you tell me you had a boyfriend?” and to be honest, Nagisa’s ears may or may not be bleeding.

Gou has this excited expression on her face, a smile with a lot of teeth and her deep dimples on full display, and it’s slightly unsettling how she’s more enthusiastic about Nagisa’s non-existent love life than Nagisa himself is. Or actually, now that he thinks about it, it’s always been this way since they became friends back in high school, Gou basically becoming Nagisa’s wingman whenever he needed it (and even when he didn’t).

It’s a nice sentiment but it can get embarrassing, y’know?

Nagisa collects his change, jamming them into the front pocket of his jeans. “He’s not my boyfriend,” he answers with a sigh.

Gou makes an amused sound in the back of her throat in response, a smirk starting to spread across her face; she leans right into Nagisa’s space just as he’s got his hands on the drinks, chin on her hand in a wonderful spectacle of utter arrogance as she asks, “Then why are you two wearing matching jackets?”

The blonde man startles at that, ears burning with an incoming flush as he glances down at himself and remembers that he is, in fact, wearing a similar jacket to Rei's, both of which are decorated with colors and insignias from Rei's college. Nagisa glares at Gou, at her incredibly annoying face, and bristles, knowing that he’s not getting out of this one without making it seem like he’s just hiding something.

He tries anyway.

“I got caught in the rain and he forgot to dry the one I was wearing when I stayed over at his place, so he lent me one of his,” he explains, almost feeling smug about managing to speak the whole sentence without the slightest bit of hesitation, but the feeling doesn’t last long before he realizes that he basically backed up the suggestion that Rei is his boyfriend. “I-I mean—! Agh, we just met yesterday, Gou-chan!”

Gou gapes at him in surprise. “Wow, Nagisa-kun, I knew you worked fast but I didn’t know you worked  _that_  fast,” she says incredulously, a smile slowly creeping onto her face.

“That’s not what I mean! H-he was just taking care of me! I was really sick and—”

The girl interrupts him with a sweet grin that Nagisa assumes is supposed to be comforting, but only serves to make him feel even more defeated. “Don’t worry! I won’t tell Haruka-san,” she tells him as she fixes her crooked apron. “Only God knows what he’d do if he found out you’ve got a boyfriend.”

Nagisa scowls deeply at her. “He’s  _not_  my  _boyfriend_!”

“Sure he’s not!” Gou calls after him, already pulling out her phone to text who Nagisa expects to be her brother when he turns around to shoot a glare.

He groans.

Of course.

 

 

 

“…and she kept asking me if your parents knew already,” Rei says after a few sips of his drink. “I kept answering that I don’t know if you’ve told them, but that I felt it would be better not to worry your parents with such a miniscule thing! It’s just the flu, anyways.”

Nagisa nearly chokes on a mouthful of strawberry-flavored cream in response, coughing harshly into his sleeve while Rei rushes to pat his back in worry.

“Is your throat bothering you again?” the taller man asks, about to reach for his bag. “I’ve got something to help with the—”

The blonde man waves a hand in refusal as he tries to calm down his coughing fit. “I’ll be alright, Rei-chan,” he mumbles, scratching his throat in vain, “but I don’t think that’s what Ama-chan was asking about.”

“What do you mean…?” Rei starts to ask, and he looks toward the counter where Miho and Gou are silently chatting and glancing in Rei and Nagisa’s direction every now and then. Gou mistakenly turns her head at the wrong time and meets Rei’s eyes, and their conversation immediately stops, Miho shooing Gou to do her job before disappearing into the kitchen in a hurry.

He looks at Nagisa, who wiggles his eyebrows for a good three seconds. “Oh.”

Nagisa snorts, trying to hide his giggles behind his drink but unable to fully force down his amusement. “Yeah.” He glances at the clock and notices that it’s already close to nine. “Oh! I better text Haru-chan that we’re coming over now.”

Rei looks away from his half-empty cup in surprise. “It’s already that late?” he comments, pulling out his own phone to confirm the time. “Wow. We’ve been talking for a while, huh, Hazuki-san?” He turns to Nagisa, who is frantically patting down all of his pockets with a distraught look on his face, and frowns. “Hazuki-san? What’s wrong?”

“I left my phone!” the blonde man exclaims sadly.

The taller man furrows his eyebrows at that. “That’s not such a big deal. I can just return it together with your jacket,” he replies with a shrug. “I’ll keep it safe for you. Don’t worry.”

Nagisa pouts. “But what if Haru-chan texted me with an emergency? Like what if he got into an accident while on his way to work and I’m the only one who can help?” he whines, dropping his head on the table and dramatically splaying his arms out. “What do I do  _then_ , Rei-chan?”

“Don’t be so cynical, Hazuki-san. I’m sure Haruka-san is alright,” Rei reassures him with a few gentle pats on the head. “Now, let’s go before Haruka-san can worry about you further.”

 

 

 

“You’re looking for Nanase-kun? He called in sick,” the librarian answers. “He sounded pretty out of it—I could barely hear his voice, and this other dude had to take the phone and talk for him.”

Nagisa directs an angry pout at Rei as if to say ‘I told you so’ and the taller man raises his hands in surrender as if to say ‘it’s not like either of us could have anticipated this happening so you can’t really blame me.’ “Do you think Haru-chan will come in later or is he  _that_  sick?” Nagisa asks, eyebrows tied into a knot in his worry.

The librarian makes a face at Nagisa and replies, “He’s _that_ sick. But I can tell him you were looking for him? What’s your name?”

 

 

 

“I called ahead and the landlady said he’s not at home, either.”

Nagisa scratches at the inside of his wrist.

“So what do we do now? Do we just go back or… do things? I mean, it _is_ still early.”

Rei rubs at the joint of his shoulder and neck.

“There’s this amusement park that just opened last month. Wanna go there?”

An awkward pause.

“…sure.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh dear god i am so sorry for suddenly disappearing im horrible at this ahhh most of the time i can only either draw or write, and guess what ive been doing for the past few weeks!!! yeah... but thanks to a friend i can write again so yes  
> i hope you guys like it and i hope i write more properly in the future  
> if you guys find any errors please tell me!!! its nearly one am and my brain is hurting


	4. Epiphany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**Epiphany,** noun: a) an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure; b) a revealing scene or moment._

It’s been a week since Nagisa and Rei met, and Haruka is worried.

Technically, there isn’t anything to be worried about—while Nagisa did report a slight fever on the extra day Haruka asked Rei to take care of him, Rei was able to nurse him back to health after just a few hours, and since then, Nagisa hasn’t come down with anything else. If anything, he actually seems healthier, and he’s been smiling way more often, but.

It’s been a week and the sickness hasn’t come back, so, _technically_ , there’s really nothing to be worried about, but as Haruka watches Nagisa’s cat swipe at the TV, he knows something is definitely up.

Not a bad something, exactly.

Probably.

Like.

Haruka cocks his head to the right in confusion while he thinks, Bocchan copying him, having had his fill of trying to disturb the people in the glass box. The cat meows, walks over to Haruka and nudges at his hand, asking for a few pets and scratches, to which Haruka easily complies.

What does it mean when a person totally forgets about their cat?

Haruka reaches for his phone, taking a bit more time than he usually does scrolling through contacts since his left hand is more unreliable and his right hand is currently doing more important things. He soon finds the number he is looking for (it’s kind of amazing how many numbers he’s amassed throughout the years despite generally being a person most people would avoid) and promptly dials it, tucking the phone between his cheek and his shoulder when Bocchan climbs into his lap and lies on his back, wiggling in that way he does when asking for tummy rubs.

“ _Haru! Hey, how are you?_ ”

One of Haruka’s hands leave Bocchan’s stomach to adjust his phone so that it stays put. The cat meows in protest.

“Makoto, what does it mean when a person forgets about their cat?”

There’s a long awkward pause in which Haruka wonders if Makoto is still alive and if he isn’t, if Haruka will be held liable and be arrested or if it will be ruled as a natural death, but a crackle from the other end of the line tells him that Makoto is fine.

“ _H-how could anyone—_ ” Makoto starts, sounding incredibly pained to the point that he has difficulty finding words. “ _Do you mean what does it mean for the cat or for the person, because I think the person should be jailed because isn’t that animal abuse? That’s animal abuse! How could anyone_   _do that to_ _their cat?_ ” He sounds more exasperated than pained by the end of his tirade, and Haruka can almost feel himself being shaken by Makoto’s massive hands.

“The cat is alright if it’s any consolation,” Haruka replies, smiling slightly when he notices Bocchan falling asleep. “I kind of already adopted him.”

“ _Wait, are we talking about your friend Nagisa?_ ” the other man asks confusedly.

“Yes.”

“ _He_ forgot _about poor Bocchan?_ ”

“Yes.”

Makoto starts to sputter. “ _W-why? How? Why?_ ”

Haruka runs his thumb over one of Bocchan’s ears and the cat yawns. “He got sick last week, right?” he starts, scratching the tabby’s chin for a few good seconds. “Then I got sick too, so I had a friend take care of him for me.”

“ _Are you saying that your friend brainwashed Nagisa to forget about his cat?_ ” Makoto asks, tone completely serious.

Haruka can’t help but smile at that. “Nagisa brainwashed himself, I think.”

“ _That’s possible?_ ” comes the shocked answer.

“I think he’s starting to like him.”

“ _Are you saying that Nagisa forgot about his cat… because he has a crush?_ ”

“Yes.”

“ _Is that even possible?_ ”

“He’s a one-track mind kind of person, so,” Haruka replies with a frown. “I’m worried.”

 

 

 

“Okay, so, I managed to convince Rei-chan to ride the rollercoaster with me, right?”

“Mhm.”

“And he kept bragging that he wasn’t scared at all even though he was shaking like a leaf!”

“Yeah. Shaking. Mm.”

“So we were climbing and climbing and climbing, and once you get to the very top, there’s always this pause before you just drop, right? Well—”

“He screamed like a baby, didn’t he?”

“He screamed like a baby even _before_ we dropped!”

Rin lets out a snort as he tosses his phone on the table and leans his chair back, managing to open the refrigerator and grab a carton of apple juice inside without tipping over. “What a lameass,” he mumbles through a grin. “How’d you even meet this guy?”

Nagisa steals the carton right before Rin can get a drop of juice in his mouth, earning a yelp and a groan of protest from the other man when he starts drinking. “Don’t be so mean, Rin-chan!” he scolds, waggling a finger in Rin’s face when Rin tries to steal the carton back. “He’s nice! He rambles a lot when he gets flustered and he always seems to have a red face whenever I look at him!”

“Mm. Really?” the redhead drawls casually, leaning his chair back again as he watches his friend go quiet for all of two seconds and a small smile take over the blonde’s expression—it doesn’t last long, Nagisa quickly coming to his senses and carrying on as if he didn’t just look totally lovestruck, but Rin’s already seen it.

“There was this really cute penguin plush that I really wanted and it was big, like”—the blonde sunnily holds out his arms to indicate the toy’s size, and Rin mumbles a deadpan ‘woah no way’ in response—“this big! Rei-chan didn’t let me play for it because he said I’d strain myself and get sick again, so he did it for me!”

Rin snorts again. “What a gentleman,” he comments, to which Nagisa happily agrees without a moment’s hesitation, and Rin quirks an eyebrow at his friend in confusion when the blonde doesn’t notice the sarcasm or miss a beat at all when he continues narrating.

While Nagisa isn’t exactly a man of few words, this is… Rin feels like he’s seen this before.

So he keeps listening to Nagisa’s recount of his ‘hangout’ with this Rei character, listens to Nagisa go off on a tangent about how Rei refused to let him drink any more cold drinks after that one frappe in the coffee shop—and damn, how did he get to talking about that from the topic of winning a butterfly plush instead of the penguin one he wanted?

It takes a while for Rin to realize that he spaced out and that Nagisa stopped talking minutes ago, Nagisa pouting angrily at him and demanding that he listen— _am I boring you, Rin-chan? Am I?_ The redhead rubs at the back of his neck sheepishly, mumbling an apology under his breath, which Nagisa accepts within a heartbeat, jumping right back into his monologue, and christ—there’s that smile again and.

 _Oh_. Rin knows where he’s seen this before: there was this period of time when he actually thought that he liked Haruka and he was on a cloud nine whenever they hung out and Gou kept teasing him with it because, in her words, he ‘always had this happy-creepy smile on.’

That’s it.

The kid has a stupidly massive, gigantic crush and he doesn’t even realize it.

Rin rubs a hand over his face and lets out a fond sigh, mumbling, “Sis was actually right.”

“Did you say something, Rin-chan?”

“No, no, no, no, I didn’t say anything,” the redhead answers, waving a hand dismissively as he stands to replace the juice carton in the fridge. “But don’t tell me that you came over at this hour just to tell me a week-old story.”

Nagisa grins widely, faux-innocently, and asks, “What do you mean by that, Rin-chan?”

Rin snorts in response to the cloyingly sweet tone in Nagisa’s voice. “Don’t fuck with me, _Nagi-chan_ ,” he mimics as he digs through the contents of his freezer, chuckling when he hears the younger man whine. He turns around to tell Nagisa off, but Nagisa’s puppy-dog eyes catch him off-guard and he sighs deeply, “Fine, I’ll cook you dinner.”

Once he turns back to the fridge, a weight suddenly slams into his back and he narrowly avoids getting hit with the refrigerator door as the younger man pretty much attacks him with a hug from behind, arms tight around Rin’s torso and smile as bright as the sun would be if it were Nagisa Hazuki. The redhead twists around to face him, Nagisa’s hold loosening to allow him to do so, and he breathes out another sigh, patting the blonde’s head gently.

“Okay, what else do you need?” Rin relents.

Nagisa grins again. “Can we have curry rice?” he requests sweetly.

Of all the people for Rin to have a soft spot for.

 

 

 

Makoto tries, and fails, to fully hide his amusement, and it comes out in a burst of laughter so forceful that he has to bend over in an attempt to quell the pain in his abdomen. “I-I’m—I’m sorry, oh my god!” he manages to giggle brokenly as he wipes at his eyes with a thumb. “I-I really am sorry, Rei, but to be honest, I don’t get what you’re so upset over. I mean, is this why you needed to talk to me as soon as possible?”

Rei whines high in the back of his throat in response before burying his face in his hands. “But you know I’m not usually like this!” he replies, throwing his arms in the air miserably as he tries to comb his brain for the right words. “I-I’m—I don’t simply like people! I don’t think I’ve ever liked anyone, in fact, in the whole span of my lifetime, and—and—”

“Then isn’t right about now a good time…?” Makoto suggests, hiding another smile behind a sip of hot tea. “And I don’t think you’ve never liked anyone, period—there was this one girl in college, wasn’t there?”

“I don’t—didn’t… I didn’t like her,” Rei shyly mumbles, slowly slouching, arms folded across his chest like a petulant child, looking like he wants to become one with his chair.

The brunette smiles again. “Are you sure? Because I remember a certain someone writing haikus about bright eyes and rosy ch—”

The other man slaps a hand over Makoto’s mouth, who barely manages to contain his laughter to a snort, and pleads, “Can you please not?”

Makoto raises both of his hands in surrender. “Okay, okay,” he laughs, grinning widely. “Now tell me why this is a problem exactly.”

Rei pulls back, sinking right back into his chair, petulant pout back in place. “He has a boyfriend, I think,” he mumbles shyly, scowling deeper with every passing second.

“What? Rei, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong.”

He squirms uncomfortably, cheeks starting to burn because Nagisa didn’t exactly let on that Haruka was his boyfriend and this is pretty much just Rei jumping to the worst conclusion possible. It would be incredibly embarrassing if it were to turn out that he was wrongly assuming things, but it would also be embarrassing to like someone who is already taken.

Or. Or actually, that would just hurt.

Rei suddenly jumps when something touches his shoulder; he looks up to see it’s just Makoto’s hand. “You were mumbling again,” Makoto tells him, and Rei’s cheeks burn redder.

“I think he has a boyfriend.”

“You _think_ he has a boyfriend.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Rei hisses miserably.

Makoto stares at him, wide-eyed and probably amused. “You know you can ask him, right?” he says almost confidentially, yet another smile spreading across his angelic face. Yeah, he’s definitely amused.

‘Damn it, Makoto, stop being amused,’ is something Rei wants to say, but he’s a bit stuck on his friend’s absolutely ludicrous suggestion, and he’s trying to formulate a proper response that will, hopefully, encompass how much of a bad idea that is and get Makoto to take him seriously, but he only manages to come up with a childish retort of, “Do you _want_ him to find out that I like him and then make fun of me and possibly start avoiding me?”

The older man laughs again. “This isn’t high school, Rei,” he replies.

“How do I even do that without seeming like _I_ want to be his boyfriend?”

Makoto smiles knowingly, opening his mouth to share some probably very important information, and Rei leans closer, as if this is some conspiratorial secret that should be kept between them only, but a phone suddenly rings, much to Rei’s displeasure. Makoto excuses himself with an apology and Rei, despite himself, starts to sulk at his friend’s back.

‘This isn’t high school.’

Rei groans internally.

It’s not like he _wants_ to freak about such a ‘little’ thing, but he can’t really help it, can he?

It’s a very big deal for him, actually liking someone enough that he feels it necessary to ask Makoto for advice because Rei is scared (maybe terrified) to mess up and make Nagisa resent him over feelings Rei can’t help, even though he knows Nagisa doesn’t have the capacity for such pettiness.

Or he doesn’t know.

Five days since Thursday.

It’s Tuesday.

Five days. That is how long he and Nagisa have known each other.

Rei groans again, but this time out loud—he takes off his glasses and frantically wipes at the smudges on the lens with the front of his shirt as he waits for Makoto to finish with his phone call. He fidgets, hands running up and down his arms, patting his thighs, into his pockets—his fingers hit the hard plastic of his own phone, and the thought of sending Nagisa a text crosses his mind.

For one whole second he considers actually doing it.

He doesn’t.

His leg starts jumping up and down in his nervousness.

God, how is this even supposed to work? Aside from this _infatuation_ Rei is experiencing being his first ever proper attempt at a relationship (wait, is he? Is he really attempting a relationship?), there’s also the _other_ problem.

The _only_ problem, really, but Rei is a drama queen.

He rubs at his shoulder, almost feeling the print that runs red there, and immediately he is reminded of Nagisa’s ticklish touch and unabashed amazement as he traced the maze on Rei’s collarbone. It was an overly intimate moment, and until now, Rei still can’t believe he actually _let_ the blonde stare at him like that. Just thinking about it makes him feel like burying himself underneath his blankets, but if he were to be honest with himself, he really kind of. He really kind of enjoyed it.

It was nice.

Really nice.

And Nagisa even complimented Rei’s print.

Called it ‘beautiful.’

Rei scowls, rubbing furiously at his cheeks in an attempt to get rid of the coiling warmth in his stomach.

This is the reason why he’d made it seem like such an urgent matter when he’d told Makoto that he needed to talk to him. Not because Rei was having a crisis about liking a person out of nowhere, though that was also troubling, but because he needed someone’s thoughts on the whole ‘prints don’t match’ thing. Rei knows Makoto is just going to say ‘go for it’ or ‘follow your heart’ or something along those lines; _of course_ Makoto will give those kinds of answer—he wouldn’t be Makoto if not for those—and usually, Rei would do just that, but.

He feels conflicted.

You can’t just take away somebody else’s meant-to-be.

That’s just wrong.

You can’t just take away somebody’s future happiness.

That’s not—

“Wait, are you talking about your friend Nagisa?” Rei hears Makoto say, and the speed with which he whips his head around makes his neck creak painfully. The older man walks back into the room, phone still pressed to his ear, an apology written across his face when he looks at Rei, though the expression quickly changes into one of worry once he sees the distressed face Rei is making.

Rei’s eyes fall on Makoto’s wrist and it’s then he remembers the mass of golden dots there, flowing in a way that they almost look like a dandelion being blown away by the wind.

They _match._

 

 

 

Rin’s spoon stops in mid-air, confusion making his eyebrows rise to his hairline. “Ha?”

Nagisa sheepishly shovels curry rice into his mouth and chews as loudly as possible as if it will make the past few seconds go back. “I’m asking for a friend of course!” he tries, talking through a mouthful of food so Rin won’t notice if his voice wavers. “They were feeling really troubled by it and I was hoping you could give me some advice so I can help them better!”

The redhead regards Nagisa with a frown, scrutinizing the younger man with a quirked eyebrow, before eating what’s on his spoon and putting on a contemplative expression.

(Nagisa sighs in relief at not being found out.)

(Rin thinks Nagisa is an idiot if he thought Rin actually fell for that.)

“Well, it’s weird, I guess? Um,” Rin starts, chasing his food down with a gulp of water. “But it’s not exactly _not_ normal, y’know? In the end, all that matters is that you love each other.”

The blonde nods in response, humming pensively. “So as long as you know that you love each other, then it’s okay?” he reiterates, squirming minutely in his seat. “Because they’re really scared, Rin-chan—like, what if the person they like just suddenly found someone who matches and just up and left?”

“Well maybe they didn’t really love you enough.”

He startles at Rin’s phrasing, bewildered pink eyes shooting up from the curry on his plate to Rin, but the redhead is just nonchalantly eating more of his food, even looking at the blonde with confusion and mild concern when he looks up to see Nagisa seeming upset.

“You okay there, Nagisa?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow it took me a week to write this -- idk if im proud of myself or not bc 1) HEY ONLY A WEEK 2) agh _a week_  
>  when i made my sister read this she freaked the fuck out and??? tbh i thought it was already obvious OTL w-was it not obvious guys??? tell me D:  
> like really please tell me. feedback legit helps me write more. <3
> 
> also, as always, [i have a tumblr](http://toasterization.tumblr.com/)


	5. Interrupt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**Interrupt,** verb: to stop or hinder by breaking in._

People fall in love in completely different ways.

There are people who take weeks and months after meeting their match to realize their feelings, weeks and months spent on awkward touches and awkward glances and burning cheeks; and there are some who kiss on the first date, on the first meeting, in the first few minutes of finding the one they’ve always dreamed of.

People sometimes fall in love in completely the same way, too.

There are people who don’t realize it until it’s too late, until they’re in too deep and can’t get out of the mess that’s all pounding hearts and fond smiles and an uncomfortable yet admittedly nice fluttering in their stomachs.

However, the universe and destiny and life consist of unfair rules, as if their very creation was for that one reason: to be unfair. There are things in this world that happen to make you happy, and things that happen solelyto cruelly rip that happiness away.

This is where that starts.

 

 

 

 **From:** Makoto  
_if u have not texted him by now I will personally go to his house and tell him u like him_

Rei stares at Makoto’s text and squirms uncomfortably. He actually already has a draft in his inbox addressed to Nagisa, just waiting for the send button to be pressed (“ _Hello Nagisa-kun! Would you like to go out for dinner sometime this week? I’m sorry I haven’t messaged you at all since last week. I’m not very good at texting._ ”) but it’s been waiting for an entire day and up until now it’s still stewing there in a soup of Rei’s hesitance and conflicted emotions.

So far he’s pretty sure that he likes Nagisa _considerably_ and that spending more time with him is definitely near the top of Rei’s priority list, but he hasn’t even told Makoto or Nagisa that they match each other.

He doesn’t even know if he should.

How would he even go about it?

“ _Hey Makoto! I think I know who your match is, but I’m not going to tell you because I like them!_ ”

And what if he was wrong? What then?

Not to mention there’s also the matter of Nagisa _possibly_ already having a boyfriend.

“This is exactly why I don’t dabble in this stuff,” Rei mumbles grumpily as he enters the library with a pout, hefting the strap of his messenger bag higher on his shoulder. “First attempt and it’s already worthy of a TV drama.”

“Rei,” Haruka greets like a good morning from the counter, where he’s stamping books from a sizeable stack. “It’s nice to see you again.” He’s still stamping books even while looking at Rei, one book right after another, not slowing at all; the force with which he slams the stamp on the title page of an encyclopedia makes Rei wince internally.

The younger man nods in response, expression caught somewhere between horror and confusion and hesitance as he squeaks out a good morning.

Speak of the devil.

They stare at each other for what must be a whole minute, Rei just awkwardly stuck on the spot where he stands, not knowing if he’s supposed to look away or if he’s even _allowed_ to, Haruka continuing his (very successful) scare tactic of cleanly stamping books without looking at them, face as emotionless as a blank piece of paper.

“I-I’m here to return a book…?” the younger of the two manages to stammer out after thirty seconds more, mouth suddenly dry and neck suddenly cold when Haruka reaches out a hand.

For the book.

He’s asking for the book, Rei.

Rei pulls out the thick novel from his bag and hands it over nervously, receiving his library card in return after a few minutes of silent shuffling on Haruka’s end. “Thank you,” he murmurs, finally feeling lighter when Haruka gives him that look that’s not exactly a smile but actually is.

 _Maybe he doesn’t want to kill me after all,_ Rei thinks _, though I don’t exactly know what I did._

He tries to recall anything he might have done that would warrant Haruka’s anger and comes up with nothing. Their interactions have been limited, so it’s not like Rei has had much opportunity to do anything but. “Oh, Nanase-san!” he starts, once again nervous but for an entirely different reason. His stomach turns with an almost feathery feeling and his ears begin to burn. “How is, um, Nagisa-kun doing, by the way?”

Haruka’s stamp comes down a little too heavy at that, and Rei suddenly feels like running. Away _._ Far, _far_ away.

“We just got the sequel,” the older man eventually replies, an answer for a different question, sounding very casual for his intimidating aura. He continues stamping, only pausing to point a finger across the library and inform Rei where to find the book. “You should go see Nagisa after you check that out. He’s been waiting, you know.”

Rei slowly nods in response, half-confused as he walks towards the shelves.

Maybe he should send that text.

 

 

 

“So when is he coming by again?” Gou asks suggestively as she scribbles an order on a plastic cup, sliding it over to Nagisa with a wide expectant smile. “I thought that since he’s, you know, your boyfriend, he’d check up on you a lot, considering you just finished being sick and gross.” She rests her chin on top of a manicured hand, smiling even wider when Nagisa levels her with a glare.

Nagisa throws ice into a blender, circumventing his irritation towards making the drink, and answers almost routinely, “He’s not my boyfriend, _Gou-chan_.”

Gou gasps at how he says her name, looking offended, and to be honest Nagisa doesn’t even know if it’s genuine or if she’s just gotten good at faking it over the years. Either way, he can’t help but crack a smile that he struggles to hide behind the ruse of having to reach for the milk, but of course Gou sees it and immediately sidles up beside him, elbowing him in the rib with another teasing smile.

“Big bro also told me you visited,” she continues after looking over her shoulder to check if there are customers at register. “Said you went on a date with your boyfriend...”

Nagisa heaves a sigh while his cheeks start turning red.

Damn Rin and his habit of sharing every single thing with Gou.

“All we did was go to an amusement park.”

She gives him a raised eyebrow, lips quirked in a way that somehow manages to encompass an incredibly massive amount of disbelief. “Nobody hangs out at an amusement park,” she deadpans, crossing her arms and leaning a hip against the counter. “Are you sure that was entirely platonic?”

“Well _we_ did,” Nagisa insists as he pours the caramel into a swirl on the drink.

“It was a date.”

“No, it was not.”

“Was too!”

“Was _really_ not _._ ”

“ _Was too._ ”

“Was not.”

“Was not?”

“Was too—” Nagisa freezes in shock as his eyes meet one of the smuggest smirks he’s ever seen on Gou’s face. He groans, weakly yelling back in retaliation, “We met just last week!”

Gou continues to smile at him, immensely happy that she’s one-upped the _great_ Nagisa Hazuki with his own trick, and _god_ , they’ve been friends for too long. She’s picked up _everything_. They’re basically each other now. _God._

Gou somehow interprets Nagisa’s prolonged silence as him being upset, and pats him on the back. “You _want_ him to be your boyfriend at least… right?” she asks, suddenly soft and gentle and Nagisa doesn’t know what to think or how to respond to that. “Because if I’m right, then I can totally be your wingman.”

The blonde raises an eyebrow at Gou, and immediately starts laughing, almost spilling the drink he’s trying to finish making when the redhead gives him a glare. He hands the beverage to its owner and tries not to laugh as hard as he turns back to Gou. “After the _last_ time?” he asks incredulously. “I never saw that girl again but I’m pretty sure she’s got a restraining order against the _both of us_ , all because of your _absolutely amazing_ wingman skills.” The younger of the two only manages an amused smile and an eyeroll as she’s summoned back to the register by an impatient customer, Nagisa waving her off with a chuckle while starting work on another drink.

In all honesty it wasn’t _that_ bad, but it was staging a mostly-failed flash mob that wrecked the whole thing. Nagisa laughs at the memory of it, wondering why he even thought it was a good idea to listen to the advice of a certain Gou Matsuoka, whose knowledge of romance and relationships all came from shoujo manga and late night dramedies, and who has not actually met her match yet.

Like really. Aside from that one time she tried to kiss Chigusa Hanamura, she really doesn’t have any experience concerning all this schloopy stuff.

He’s distracted from the oncoming shame over his and Gou’s teenage selves by his pants pocket buzzing thrice in succession. He’s delighted to see that it’s a text from Haruka, but the glee dissolves into something more like shocked embarrassment once he reads the text messages.

 **From:** Haru-chan <3  
_I told Rei to go and see you_

 **From:** Haru-chan <3  
_He’s probably gonna ask you on a date or something_

 **From:** Haru-chan <3  
_He didn’t say so but his face said it all_

The phone buzzes another three times just as he starts typing out a reply, and he narrowly avoids dropping his hard-worked macchiato on a customer.

 **From:** Haru-chan <3  
_I probably shouldn’t have done that_

 **From:** Haru-chan <3  
_I’m not going to apologize tho I know you like him I’m just helping you on your way_

 **From:** Haru-chan <3  
_And I may or may not have tried the intimidating older brother thing sorry_

Nagisa groans, feeling his face heat up, letting out an exasperated squeak when his phone vibrates _again_.

 **From:** Haru-chan <3  
_Don’t worry tho I failed_

He lets out a sigh of relief. _good_ , he types, _now pls dont do that again ur embarrassing me OMG_. He hits send and looks around the shop, distress etching lines into his forehead as he fervently prays that Haruka just misinterpreted Rei, though it’s not a likely thing considering how attentive and observant Haruka is when he wants to. Nagisa’s never been able to lie  to him face-to-face, and he doesn’t think that anyone has actually managed to.

Haruka is downright terrifying.

When he wants to, that is.

(Most of the time Haruka’s just like a cat. Disinterested at the world, occasionally affectionate, goes batshit when water comes into the conversation. Also incredibly cute when happy.)

Nagisa rubs at his wrist, thumb tracing over the spiralling dots underneath his sleeve—he doesn’t know if he can manage not to spontaneously combust upon seeing Rei. It’s been a week or so since they last talked and while Nagisa doesn’t know if it’s because Rei didn’t have the time or because Rei doesn’t want anything do with him anymore, he does know that it will be awkward.

Like. It’s _probably_ gonna be awkward. Those are the rules: you pine over someone + you don’t talk for a week = absolutely no chance.

“Hey, Nagisa, cover for me at the register,” Gou says, pulling him out of his contemplative reverie. She pats him firmly on the arm when she passes behind him, smiling sadly while reassuring him, “Don’t worry, Nagi-chan. You’ll sort things out with your boyfriend.”

Nagisa’s initial reaction is to pout out of dejection, but once he’s staring at the cash register, Gou’s words sink in, and he’s scowling deeply and yelling after his friend, who has already disappeared into the restroom with only an echo of her maniacal laughter left behind. “I was _not_ thinking about Rei!”

“Sure you weren’t!” comes the muffled reply, and Nagisa sighs.

Of _course_ he was thinking about Rei, but he’s not about to admit that to Gou. So far, she hasn’t let him live down the whole jacket thing. if Nagisa admitted this, only God knows what she would do.

The café is quiet for once, only the dull monotonous hum of subdued conversations to be heard, a rare moment especially when both he and Gou are on duty, but Nagisa quickly forgets about the peace when his pocket buzzes _again-_ again with yet another text from Haruka. He whips out his phone exasperatedly, fingers ready to type a berating reply depending on the embarrassing thing Haruka did this time in relation to ‘helping Nagisa on his way.’

Minutes later, Gou exits the restroom with an easy smile, looking refreshed, hair tied up into a neater ponytail and lipstick shining redly on her lips. She walks over to Nagisa, ready to spring yet another joke about last week’s couple jackets, but there’s an upsetting look on the blonde’s face once she’s close enough to see his expression underneath his curly fringe.

“Nagisa, what’s happened?” she asks worriedly, forehead wrought with worry lines as she moves to take the source of his upset state; Gou is surprised that she doesn’t need to pry the phone from Nagisa’s fingers, having expected at least a bit of a fight, but one look at the display screen makes her screech in excitement. “You’re going on a date! _Nagisa Hazuki is going on a date!_ ”

The blonde weakly shushes his too enthusiastic friend; it takes a gigantic effort to raise the hand that he uses to pat Gou on the face, his limbs feeling all too like jelly. “Yeah,” he replies. “I guess I am.”

Gou judges his reaction and frowns. “Well don’t be too happy about it,” she drawls sarcastically, slapping him on the arm. “You might cause a ruckus or something!”

Nagisa laughs until there are tears in his eyes.

 

 

 

Rin doesn’t know why or how he managed to end up at the library of all places. After dropping off Gou at the coffee shop earlier this morning, he’d walked and. Well. Ended up here. Of all places. Not that he doesn’t like reading—Rin is very much a reader when his schedule allows it, but on this particular day-off, he had expected to be doing something more productive, like maybe fixing his team’s training regimen or watching that new TV show Gou was always talking about.

He definitely did not expect to end up between shelves containing musty foreign books.

Rin thumbs through a copy of a fantasy novel and makes a noncommittal noise.

Okay, maybe this could be productive.

He moves to replace the book, considering reading other titles by the same author, but the book meets somebody’s hand instead of sliding neatly into the space it left on the shelf. There’s an awkward moment between staring at the hand and staring at its owner in which Rin is pretty sure he mumbles out an apology, but in the very same moment he just kind of. Blacks out. Or.

He doesn’t know.

The hand’s owner is a bespectacled dark-haired man who’s dressed up smart, cardigan and black shoes and rolled up pants legs and all, and he’s tall, pretty much the same height as Rin; he’s got these eyes that are just. _Really_ nice, Rin thinks. They’re really nice. Rin subconsciously licks his lips as he feels his mouth go dry and it’s not until he notices the blush on the man’s cheeks that he realizes he’s been blatantly ogling him.

Rin almost drops the book, almost meaning definitely, and it’s thanks to the stranger’s fast reflexes that the book avoids crashing to the carpeted floor.

The redhead apologizes loudly, hands rubbing at his face and his neck in frustration and embarrassment, knees shaking in preparation for the running that’s about to take place any time now. Like. Right now. _Right now._

The stranger’s pretty much doing the same, though, but with longer words and more stammering; it’s oddly cute to Rin, who with a sudden burst of courage, asks, “What’s your name?”

It effectively shuts up the other man, whose mouth opens and closes like a very embarrassed and confused fish, and whose hands nervously play with the book they hold.

Rin only realizes his mistake afterwards. “Ah, sorry, sorry. That was rude, um,” he mutters, rubbing at the knobs at his neck before offering that hand to shake. “Sorry, let me, um. Hi, my name is Matsuoka. Rin. Rin Matsuoka.”

The stranger hesitantly shakes Rin’s hand. “Rei Ryuugazaki,” he answers.

Rin suddenly flinches when his shoulder suddenly feels like it’s being barraged by feathers, an intense urge to scratch at it overcoming him that he barely manages to push down—the sensation grows stronger with each passing second, almost becoming painful before it completely subsides and Rin is left with just confusion at what the hell that was.

“I’m sorry,” Rei apologizes, completely oblivious to Rin’s problem. “Were you going to borrow this book?”

Rin shakes his head in response as his hand returns to his shoulder, rubbing over the spot where the sensation broke out. “It’s alright,” he answers absently, eyes flicking from Rei’s face to the books on the shelves. “I was gonna look at their other stuff, anyways. Are—a-are they a good author?”

Wait, isn’t this the shoulder where his print is?

“I don’t usually read fiction,” he continues almost mindlessly, mouth moving of its own accord even while he starts having a crisis on what to do now. On what just happened. If Rei has anything to do with it. “I usually read stuff you can learn from, like books on swimming theories and psychological whatever, but fiction?” He shrugs.

Might be a long shot but.

Rin takes a deep breath and blurts out, “Doyouwannagetsomelunchorsomething?”

An incredibly long shot at this rate.

 

 

 

Miho sees Nagisa sitting alone at a table, a venti strawberry frappe the only thing he has for company. “Your shift ended two hours ago, didn’t it? Are you waiting for someone?” she asks worriedly as she sits across him, primly touching one of Nagisa’s hands. He flinches when her fingers brush his skin, and Miho quickly pulls back, a concerned frown crossing her expression.

“He didn’t come,” Nagisa says, barely a whisper above his breath. “He said he would, but he didn’t.”

Miho sees his shoulders shake and looks at him with pity. “Come on, I’ll call Haruka-san so you can go home.”

 

 

 

 **From:** rinrin  
_i need 2 ask u something_

 **From:** rinrin  
_what was the name of that dude u were totally crushin on again_

 **From:** rinrin  
_*talking about, ahem excuse me freduian slip_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have no excuses why this took so fucking long but i hope you like it! O:
> 
> if u guys wanna talk i have a tumblr?? three actually but [hey if u want to talk and/or scream at me more](http://toasterization.tumblr.com/)


	6. Confirm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**Confirm,** verb: to state or show that (something) is true or correct._

As Miho goes to turn over the closed sign and unlock the doors, she notices somebody standing outside. Not that it’s odd—it’s raining and the entrance has a little canopy for exactly the purpose of sheltering people from the rain, but the person outside doesn’t look like they’re just waiting for the rain to lighten up.

Miho opens the door. “Good morning,” she greets, readying a polite smile in the case they’re a customer who had been waiting for the shop to open.

The stranger jumps minutely at her sudden greeting, and it’s with fumbling fingers that push up red glasses that they bow their head slightly, mumbling a shaky “good morning, ma’am,” and “um,” and “ _uh._ ”

The brunette cocks her head to the side in confusion as the man tries to speak, mostly to no avail. “Wait, you’re Ryuugazaki-kun, right?” she asks, her eyes creasing at the corners with a softer and more sincere smile as a look of recognition dawns on her face. “Are you here to see Nagisa-kun? I’m afraid to say that he won’t be in today. He called in sick—”

“H-he’s sick again?” Rei interrupts worriedly, eyebrows shooting up underneath his fringe. “Is it bad?”

Miho stares at him dumbfounded for a few seconds, eyebrows furrowed as she makes a vague gesture with her hand in response.

Rei visibly deflates, worrying his lower lip with his teeth hard enough that it looks painful. “Um, Amakata-san, t-two days ago… was Nagisa-kun doing alright?” he tries instead, hands fidgety, flying all over the place.

The manager raises an eyebrow at him, expression a cross between suspicion and concern. “That’s an oddly specific question, isn’t it, Ryuugazaki-kun?” she asks back, bringing her hands together in front of her, one on top of another. “Do you want to come in for some coffee? I feel like this is going to be a long conversation.”

Rei almost looks like a deer in the headlights with how he tries to refuse as politely and firmly as he can. “I don’t want to take up too much of your time,” he says. “It’s just that…”

A sad smile appears on his face.

“I haven’t talked to him since last week,” he admits, his smile turning even more downcast with every passing second. He fumbles with the zipper of his jacket, pulling it all the way up and hiding his nose behind the collar as he continues talking, “I-I sent him a message that day, promising to meet with him, but unfortunately I was unable to do as I had said.”

Miho remembers the look on Nagisa’s face when she found him two hours after his shift. “Ah, well,” she starts, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear, “he was indeed very upset. You should’ve seen his face.”

Rei keeps quiet, ears feeling warm as he stares at his hands. Of course he would be.

“You know, you should be doing a better job as a boyfriend—Nagisa-kun deserves no less than the best.”

His eyes widen, the burning in his ears flooding the rest of his face, reaching all the way to his gut. He’d forgotten that she and Gou had assumed that he and Nagisa were together, and it’s not that he doesn’t _want_ to be together with Nagisa in that sense, but it’s just. “H-he’s not my boyfriend,” he mumbles embarrassedly, unable to finish his train of thought.

It’s complicated.

“Last week was the first time we met,” he continues, finding it harder to look directly at Miho.

Maybe he’s just _making_ it complicated. Maybe because he doesn’t want to—want to what?

Rei refuses to finish the sentence, and instead tunes into the response Miho has yet to give.

“Really?” she eventually breathes out, mouth hanging open incredulously and cheeks _kind of_ going pink in light of her wrong assumptions. "I-I’m sorry, but the way you two interacted made it seem like you’ve known each other a long time. And to be honest, you two look _very_ good together.” She giggles in an attempt to save herself from the embarrassment, but it only makes the moment even more awkward.

Rei reaches for the inside of his wrist, lightly touching the spot where he remembers Nagisa’s print is. “But I do agree,” he mumbles, tracing small spirals over his sleeve. “He deserves only the best.”

There’s a silence and Rei doesn’t know if he’s grateful for it or not. Truthfully, it’s barely a silence—the absence of their voices is occupied by the overwhelming volume of his own thoughts, thoughts that are less than lovely, most of them doubtful of anything good coming out of liking Nagisa, some of them judgmental because of him keeping a secret from Makoto, others hateful due to leaving Nagisa hanging two days ago. It’s barely a silence, and Rei is desperate to find a reprieve.

“D-do you think it would be out of line of me to say that… I like him?” he asks, eyebrows drawn up in distress. “And that maybe—maybe I _want_ to be with him, although I don’t think we’d… last. I mean. I’m not… maybe I’m getting ahead of myself here, but I don’t want—”

Miho watches Rei stop mid-sentence, and looks at him with a pitiful look. “Ryuugazaki-kun,” she starts, smiling kindly. “May I borrow your phone?”

Rei furrows his eyebrows in confusion, easily forgetting his distress. “What for?” he asks as he pulls it out of his pocket, unlocking the display for Miho.

“You really like him, right?”

“What?”

“You really like Nagisa. You’re sure about that, at least, right?” she asks firmly.

He nods.

 

 

 

 **From:** Rei  
_Please let me make it up to you nagisa-kun. Please._

 

 

 

 **From:**  Rei  
_MAKOTO I NEED YOUR HELP PLEASE._

 **From:**  Rei  
_Text me when youre home._

 **From:**  Rei  
_MAKOTO!_

 **To:** Rei  
_SORRY sorry yes okay Ill see you later_

 

 

 

Haruka takes a deep breath before inserting his key into Nagisa’s apartment door, steeling himself for what will most likely be a gruesome scene, like all the previous times; he doesn’t know what to anticipate exactly, but somehow the pained screaming and sobbing that immediately assault his ears the moment he pushes the door open comes as no surprise. The large hands that grab at his shoulders also do not surprise him, Haruka feeling more indifferent than annoyed as he is swayed from one side to another.

“I-i-is th-that him?” Makoto asks, trembling as they step into the hallway.

Haruka only pats his large friend on the head gently in response, letting Makoto hold onto the corner of his shirt as they venture deeper inside. “Nagisa?” he calls, voice barely heard over the jarring noises coming from the living room. “Nagisa?”

Miho had called him out of the last few minutes of his shift the other day, informing him about how upset Nagisa looked and how it would be for the best if he accompanied the blonde home. Somehow, during the time it took Miho to call the library and Haruka to run to the café, Nagisa had left unnoticed, leaving behind a note stuck to the straw of his half-full strawberry frappe.

 _I’ll be okay by tomorrow,_ it had said.

So Haruka left him alone, expecting him to reach out once he felt better.

No call came.

The apartment is dimly lit, the only light sources being the television in the living room and a small spotlight shining on the refrigerator. Nagisa sits on the couch, knees pulled up to his chest, unmoving and unresponsive, curls messier than usual and an almost blank expression on his face.

He barely looks alive.

‘I’ll be okay by tomorrow,’ his ass.

“Is he alright?” Makoto whispers concernedly.

Almost angrily, Haruka stalks across the room to flip on the living room lights, Nagisa instantly letting out a complaining sound that’s somewhere between a whine and a whimper when the fluorescents start burning his eyes. “Haru-chan, no,” the blonde squeaks, burying his face into a throw pillow as soon as he hears Haruka’s heavy footsteps again.

“Haru-chan, _yes_ ,” the older of the two replies, snatching away the pillow in Nagisa’s grasp, along with every other pillow on the couch that he tries to reach for. “You said you were going to be okay.”

Nagisa puffs up his cheeks in childish retort, pulling on his fringe as he starts gnawing on his lip. “I _am._ ”

“There are circles under your _red_ eyes, your face is covered with—is that _strawberry syrup?_ —and you’re watching the remake of the Dawn of the Dead,” Haruka scolds, barely avoiding throwing up his arms in the air out of frustration, scowling at the younger man with the force of a million worried older brother figures. “You never watch remakes. You hate remakes, remember?”

The blonde sheepishly swipes at his face with the back of his hand, mostly to hide how his lower lip starts quivering, but also to wipe at the leftover syrup on his face. Maybe he shouldn’t have eaten all that ice cream.

“I’m no use as a friend if you won’t accept my help.”

Nagisa nods silently. “But I’m okay now, see?” he says as he pushes his fringe up and pinches his cheeks, grinning a wobbly grin that crumbles barely three seconds later. It’s a vain attempt that only serves to cement Haruka’s worry even further, especially when Nagisa’s crumbled expression becomes a sad smile as he mumbles, “I guess that’s the point of the print—so you know who’s going to leave you or not.”

It’s then that another scream rips from the speakers of Nagisa’s television, and a similar shriek, along with a painful-sounding clatter, resounds behind them, effectively interrupting the miserable atmosphere. There’s a moan, and a groan, and then Haruka is rushing over to the brunette who’s sitting on the floor cradling his arm.

“Makoto, are you okay?” Haruka asks.

“Makoto?” Nagisa echoes confusedly.

‘Makoto’ manages to get up with Haruka’s help, murmuring a silent thank you as he is helped onto a chair by the dining table. “I-I’m sorry I, um, interrupted… That must have been an important conversation,” he apologizes, barely managing a smile. “I-I scare easily.”

Nagisa stops ogling the brunette long enough to look to Haruka for an explanation.

“This is Makoto Tachibana.”

 

 

 

The chimes ring and Gou automatically breathes out a greeting with an easy smile. “Good morning!” she chirps from the register. “Welcome to the Rockhopper Café!”

“Yo,” Rin says, walking towards the counter in a manner he probably thinks is cool but Gou just thinks makes him look like a proper douche.

“Gonna mope about your lost prince again?” she teases as Rin hands over a bill, not even bothering to voice his order since Gou memorized it three months ago.

The older sibling snorts, pocketing his change and leaning across the counter while he waits for his drink to be finished. “You make it sound as if I’ve been pathetic about it,” he answers as he nicks a lollipop from underneath the register, which Gou immediately swipes away and reprimands him for.

“You mean to tell me you _haven’t_ been whining about him totally slam dunking you into the trash?” she throws back as she hands him his boring beverage. “Like, don’t you have a job? Where are you finding all this spare time to hang around here?”

Rin rolls his eyes. “I’m on vacation,” he says simply. “And besides, can’t I spend time with my awesome baby sis without seeming like I have an ulterior motive?”

Gou scoffs. “ _Right_. Unfortunately, _I’m_ not on vacation, so you can’t exactly just waltz in and disturb me while I’m on the clock,” she retorts meanly, scowling at her older brother. The chimes ring and Gou automatically yells out a greeting. “Okay, now please will you go sit like a good boy and let me do my job?”

Rin makes to leave, but holds back for a second to ask, “Where’s Nagisa?”

“He called in sick,” she answers. “He’s not actually sick, but he did say it’s something to do with Rei-kun.”

“Rei?” he drawls out, brain processing slowly— _right_ , Nagisa likes a Rei. He scrunches his nose, finding it weird that they both like someone named Rei; he thinks how funny it’d be if they actually liked the same guy, and decides to ask. “You wouldn’t happen to know his last name, would you?”

Gou raises an eyebrow at him. “What are you gonna do—stalk him to make sure he’s good enough for Nagisa?”

Rin shrugs.

“Ryu-something. Ryunosuke? Ryu… Ryuugazaki. I think.”

“Is he a tall dude? Dark hair, red glasses, kinda snooty-looking?”

Gou gives him an incredulous look. “Yeah, that’s him. You know him?”

Rin feels something shrivel up inside him.

_It was a joke._

 

 

 

Haruka watches Makoto and Nagisa talk silently on the couch, heads ducked and voices low and smiles soft. He feels relieved, glad that Makoto had decided to come with him (insisted, actually, mostly for the benefit of poor Bocchan), though he hadn’t exactly expected them to hit it off like _this_. But then again, considering Makoto’s warm personality, it’s not really a shocking development.

Most importantly, though, Nagisa’s smiling properly now. It’s usually a hard enough feat trying to get him to admit he’s anything but happy and fine and totally A-OK, never mind actually cheering him up enough that he’s—laughing. Nagisa’s laughing now.

What are they _talking_ about?

After a moment of contemplation, he decides it’s not his business if they’re flirting or not (knowing both of them, it’s not a far-off possibility), and resumes preparing dinner.

Or he would if Makoto’s phone wasn’t going crazy on the table.

Instead of interrupting what must be a very nice conversation, Haruka takes it upon himself to answer the call. The name Rei is displayed on screen, along with a picture of the dark-haired man embarrassedly waving the camera away, and Haruka makes a noise.

He hadn’t known that Rei and Makoto knew each other.

“Hello?”

“ _Uh, isn’t this Makoto-kun’s number?_ ” Rei answers confusedly. He starts mumbling to himself, voice growing distant as he presumably pulls the phone away from his ear. “ _Did I call the wrong number again…?_ ”

Haruka is about to shake his head when he remembers Rei can’t see him. “No, this is Makoto’s number,” he confirms, tucking the phone between his ear and his shoulder as he tends to the soup boiling on the stove. “He’s busy being… friendly… I can take your message.”

The apartment is starting to fill with the aroma of Haruka’s cooking, and it’s pretty good to be honest, but apparently not good enough to pull Makoto and Nagisa out of their conjoined reverie.

He pouts.

“ _Nanase-san?_ ” Rei asks, a surprised-but-not-really tone to his words. “ _You know Makoto?_ ”

“And apparently you do, too. Weird, isn’t it?” Haruka says flatly, hissing when the side of his hand accidentally meets the hot metal of the ladle. “What are we talking about?”

“ _Um. I-I would like to keep it between me and Makoto, thank you very much, but, um. Wh-what are you doing with his phone?_ ”

“I told you, he’s busy being friendly,” Haruka answers as he absently stirs the soup.

 “ _Well, um, please just tell him that I’m waiting at his house. And that he should pay more attention to his phone._ ”

“I will.”

There’s a silence that stretches for a moment so long Haruka almost thinks that Rei’s hung up on him—eventually Rei makes an audible enough sound that lets Haruka know he’s still there, and asks a question just as the silence starts getting awkward.

“ _Um, Nanase-san,_ ” he starts, voice distant once again, “ _about Nagisa…_ ”

The older man sets the ladle down on the countertop and makes a face as he brings the phone away from his shoulder. “What about Nagisa?” he asks suspiciously, looking away from the stove to glance at the two on the couch, who are now just sitting in silence, Nagisa’s head resting on the taller man’s shoulder.

Rei coughs, clears his throat. “ _I just… wanted to ask how he’s been._ ”

Haruka detests the fact Rei’s not in front of him right now so he can glare at him. “Why are you asking?”

For a moment, he considers telling Rei about the scene in the living room.

“ _I… um._ ”

He doesn’t.

Rei doesn’t answer the question, instead repeating what he wanted to let Makoto know.

The call ends.

Haruka stares at the phone, thoughts starting to pick up speed with every passing second, and in the end he just gives up trying to understand what his head is trying to tell him, shrugging it all off as he turns off the stove and turns to the two on the couch.

He’s about to tell them that the food is ready, but Makoto is quick to notice him coming near and puts a finger up, a soft _shhh_ slipping past his lips.

Nagisa burrows further into Makoto’s side, sighing contentedly when the brunette puts an arm around him.

He’s asleep.

“How long has he been asleep?” Haruka asks as he reaches to smooth Nagisa’s hair down.

Makoto tamps down a chuckle when the blonde somehow finds his other hand and holds onto it like a lifesaver. “Just a few minutes ago,” he answers as he sweeps a wide arc with his thumb over the back of Nagisa’s hand. “He hasn’t slept properly the past two days. Said I was soft.”

Haruka nods.

He watches how Makoto doesn’t show even a bit of discomfort, how at home Nagisa is tucked under the larger man’s arm; he tries to pick apart the rather intimate feeling of how they’re tied up together right now—and in all honesty, he doesn’t know what to think.

There’s two ways this can go and Haruka just hopes it doesn’t end up a total disaster.

“So Rei called,” he says.

It’s half-past eight already, and Makoto realizes this with a start, only barely avoiding jostling the blonde as he remembers that he was supposed to go to Rei’s place an hour ago. “Shoot, I forgot about Rei,” he breathes out in distress.

Haruka rounds the sofa to untangle Nagisa from Makoto, and soon it’s him that Nagisa’s snaked his arms around. “I’ll take care of him,” he tells the brunette as he slowly coaxes Nagisa into letting go of his arm and laying his head on Haruka’s lap. “Rei’s at your house.”

Makoto is the one to nod this time. “Um, I’ll drop by tomorrow to make sure he’s okay, make sure he’s eaten and stuff?” he says tentatively, to which Haruka thanks him for in advance. “Okay. See you then.”

And he’s gone.

 

 

 

In Haruka’s search for the remote control in between the couch cushions, he comes up with enough change for a train ride to Makoto’s house, three pens, and enough crumbs to last an ant colony their entire lives. Seven minutes into the search, his hand hits something hard and rectangular, and he’s elated, thinking he’s finally found it.

It’s actually Nagisa’s phone—Haruka’s disappointment is almost tangible as he dejectedly gives up on searching for the remote control and instead starts guessing the password. It only takes three tries: his birthday, Nagisa’s birthday, and the date of the annual sale of Nagisa’s favourite bakery.

The phone opens to a message thread containing two texts from Rei and one text from Nagisa.

Haruka frowns. So that’s why Rei was asking about Nagisa.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i......yeah..... ive been in a slump and if anything, i really hate my writing right now. aha. i hope its not too shitty.  
> i dont have the energy to read through this and ive got a 15-page paper to pass tomorrow, so if anybody sees any errors or whatnot please tell me! O: 
> 
> [also, hit me up on tumblr! but dont actually hit me](http://toasterization.tumblr.com/)


	7. Happy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**Happy,** adjective: feeling pleasure and enjoyment because of your life, situation, etc._

Makoto is a bit more subdued than usual when he finally comes home, Rei notes. He's still his normal self, voice still affected with that gentle lilt as he asks if Rei would like some tea, large stature still soft with every motion as he moves about the kitchen.

When he smiles, though, Rei gets the feeling that something’s happened.

Makoto seems like he’s thinking deeply about something troubling, and usually, as the good friend he is, Rei would ask about it, but he’s suddenly a bit too nervous about all things concerning Nagisa as he sets his bag down on the living room floor. The rain is starting up again outside, and the steady sound of its downfall just adds to his anxiety.

“I’m really sorry I forgot you wanted to talk,” Makoto apologizes as he sits across the kotatsu from Rei and pushes a cup of tea towards him. He scratches at his cheek with a sheepish smile. “I was helping a friend through a rough time.”

Rei shakes his head, returning the smile easily. “It’s alright. You’re already here anyways so,” he shrugs, stiffly adjusting his glasses. “Are they okay? I’m sorry I pulled you away from something so important.”

“No, no, he was already asleep anyways, and Haru can take better care of him than I can.”

Rei almost asks who it is, but there are more pressing matters he can think of.

“Wh-what do people do on dates?”

 

 

 

Halfway to their meeting place, Nagisa realizes that he’s nervous.

There’s much to be said about him and his personality—he’s loud, abrasive, charming to the right people, but he’s never been the type to easily get nervous. Most of the time he’s more excited than filled with dread of what’s to come, having found that optimism is most often the way to go, especially if you don’t want to vomit when you’re in line for a rollercoaster ride.

And this is kind of like that. A rollercoaster ride.

At the same time, however, it’s also like a car crash waiting to happen—everything’s in slow motion, and you’re just forced to anticipate when the collision is going to punch the air out of your body.

Nagisa tries not to think about it too much, but his heartbeat echoes in his ears loudly, his chest feels like it’s on the verge of splitting open, and it almost feels like he made the wrong decision, saying yes to Rei. This certainly isn’t the first time he’s made a wrong decision, but it feels like it’s _the_ wrong decision and—he sneezes.

And again.

Within the few moments it takes him to make sure snot isn’t hanging from his nose, he realizes what he’s feeling isn’t exactly a bad kind of nervous. Maybe this _is_ excitement making it hard for him to stay still, fingers constantly reaching for his phone and checking if there’s a text from Rei, feet constantly moving across the floor, skin crawling with some kind of electricity. Maybe he’s happy about this.

He lets out a particularly heavy breath.

He just hopes this doesn’t end in a disaster.

 

 

 

 **From:**  rei-chan!!  
_Im here where are you?_

 **To:** rei-chan!!  
_Right here????? whre are U_

Nagisa silently curses his height and the steady stream of people walking through the shopping complex as he climbs on top of the bench he was previously sitting on and surveys the area, squinting through the bright sunlight and trying to spot that familiar pair of red glasses.

It’s not like they didn’t talk about where to meet up—it’s just that this place is _so big_ , and unfortunately, Nagisa is _very small,_ and so far, it’s been like trying to find a relatively large dog in a field of cornstalks.

You _know_ the dog is out there, but the cornstalks are really making it hard to find him, being all cornstalk-y and yellow and _tall_ —Nagisa’s stomach growls, and he groans.

This analogy is not working at all. Thinking about corn is just making him hungry.

 **To:** rei-chan!!  
_I AM STANDING ON A BENCH_

 **From:** rei-chan!!  
_THERE ARE A LOT OF BENCHES HERE_

 **To:** rei-chan!!  
_BUT ONLY ONE HAS A BLONDE KID STANDING ON IT OK_

Nagisa whines. How is it already a disaster when the whole thing’s barely started?

 **From:** rei-chan!!  
_Wait I think I see you DONT MOVE_

He sneezes again, forceful enough that he almost falls over, but before he can even begin to tip over, there are large hands on his arm and waist, warmth seeping through the layers of his clothes in an admittedly nice way; if Nagisa’s life were a drama, this would probably be the scene where the theme song starts playing and everything pans out in slow motion, zooming in on how they’re staring right into each other’s eyes without saying anything.

This would be the scene where they realize they like each other, he thinks.

Unfortunately, his life isn’t a drama, and the moment plays out too quickly, Rei helping him down from the bench and immediately putting the back of his hand against Nagisa’s forehead, neglecting the fact that they’re supposedly not on the best of terms right now (which is good, Nagisa decides, it’s definitely good—he’d rather not dwell on it like the baby he actually is).

“Are you coming down with something again, Hazuki-kun?” the taller man asks worriedly, sweeping the blonde’s fringe back as he continues checking his temperature, the back of his hand touching Nagisa’s cheek, neck, forehead again, and _god_ if that doesn’t Nagisa’s heart flutter madly.

“I tell you to take care of yourself, and what do you do? You don’t listen,” Rei continues absently, obviously flustered, looking like he’s about to start rambling about which fruits provide the most Vitamin C, but he pauses when he sees the sudden smile that blossoms on the blonde’s face.

Nagisa tries not to let his happiness show through too much, but it’s been cooped up in his chest for the past few hours with his excitement and anticipation and nervousness and it overflows too easily; soon he’s laughing and giggling, and Rei stares at him like he’s gone insane, which just makes him laugh even harder.

“I’m _fine_ , Rei-chan,” he answers, reaching up to bring down the hand Rei’s forgotten he has yet to take away from Nagisa’s forehead. “I am a hundred percent fine, I promise.”

And they just stay like that, standing too close for comfort, Nagisa holding one of Rei’s warm hands in both of his, fingers running across the taller man’s surprisingly smooth palm—and it’s not awkward.

It’s just nice.

Before Rei can manage to squawk embarrassedly (because he totally would and both of them know it), Nagisa takes a firm hold of his hand and tugs him in the direction of the mall entrance, suddenly energetic as he urges Rei to move faster, _faster, Rei-chan, come_ on _, we’re losing daylight._

Rei can’t help but let out a laugh as he lets himself be dragged around.

It’s nice.

 

 

 

Haruka slaps Makoto’s hand with a chopstick when it tries to reach for the mackerel in his lunch. “No,” he snaps flatly, face schooled into indifference but eyes ablaze with something akin to fury (which is wildly misplaced, in Makoto’s opinion, but hey, that’s Haruka for you). “You have money. Go buy your own lunch.”

The brunette laughs at his friend’s much expected reaction while rubbing the back of his hand. “I already ate, actually,” he replies, settling back into his seat. “I’m planning on swinging by Nagisa’s afterwards. I know how he forgets to eat sometimes.”

Haruka nearly drops the piece of mackerel he’s holding up, open mouth snapping closed as he lowers his chopsticks and incredulously mumbles a soft ‘ _yeah_.’

It’s true that Nagisa does forget to eat sometimes—it’s one of his worst habits, forgetting to take care of himself, and it’s not exactly hard to spot, but Makoto’s known the blonde for barely a week. Nagisa’s a very transparent person, but he’s not exactly the type to divulge his weaknesses and flaws to someone he’s just met.

Makoto shouldn’t know this, unless. Haruka glares suspiciously at the other man. “Makoto,” he says, much like a mother would when reprimanding her child.

Makoto looks up from his phone, eyes darting from the screen to Haruka’s face and back, responding with a confused ‘ _what is it, Haru?_ ’ His mind is obviously somewhere else.

“Have you been visiting Nagisa _every day_?”

“What?” the brunette sputters, face scrunching up into a skeptical expression that lets on that he has indeed been visiting Nagisa every day. “No! N-no, I don’t even have enough, um, _time_ for that. _No._ What made you think that?”

Haruka regards his friend with a blank face before humming a single note and returning to his food.

_Right._

 

 

 

 **From:** mako-chan*:･ﾟ✧  
_hey swinging by in a few! with lunch!!! :)_

Nagisa lights up with anticipation at the thought of free lunch from Makoto again, fingers automatically moving against his keyboard as he sends a reply without another thought.

 **To:** mako-chan*:･ﾟ✧  
_YAAAYYYY I CANT WAIT 4 IT ; w ;_

It’s not until after an entire minute of staring at the left side of Rei’s face while they wait in line to buy movie tickets that he realizes the horror of what he’s done and feels like begging whichever god that controls time to bring back that text message.

 **To:** mako-chan*:･ﾟ✧  
_no wait mako-chan i’m not home oh no i forgot to tell you D: im out w a friend n i probs wont be back till late :(((( im so sos os oss sorry_

He tries not to let the panic show on his face as he pockets his phone, but Haruka’s always told him his face is like an open book, even when he’s doubling efforts to hide his feelings—Rei immediately notices, eyebrows furrowing in concern as he starts hovering over Nagisa again.

“Is there something wrong?”

“No! No, no, everything’s cool, _so cool_ ,” the blonde rambles with a wonky smile. “I just, um, thought of Gou and what she might say this Monday. I swear that woman has a way of reading thoughts. And you know how she’s really excitable about me… with you… um.”

The tension in Rei’s forehead immediately dissipates at that, color rising in his cheeks as he starts fidgeting. “R-right. _Gou-san_ ,” he mumbles, making a disturbed face upon accidentally meeting Nagisa’s eyes when he’d been trying so hard not to look at him straight-on. “Is she still insisting that we’re, um, _together?_ ”

Nagisa’s hands come up to massage his cheeks as his smile gets wider, unable to believe that Rei is acting _embarrassed_ at the prospect of them being together. Nobody would act like this if they weren’t interested romantically, and it’s an utterly foreign concept to Nagisa, that anybody would actually be romantically interested in him.

He’s loud. He’s way too loud and obnoxious and energetic. And yet _Rei likes him back._

(Or maybe he’s jumping to conclusions again.)

He looks at Rei, who’s still feigning interest in the movie schedule.

( _But really, though._ )

“You have no idea,” Nagisa says in an exasperated voice.

 

 

 

The horror movie Nagisa insists on them watching is surprisingly decent despite its lacklustre title (‘Blood Thriller Mayhem: the Third?’ _Really?_ ), though it’s still overly abundant with blood fountains and gory decapitations. Rei is glad he made the decision of buying an upsized drink so he can have an excuse for his more than frequent restroom breaks—he’s not all that fond of horror movies, not exactly because he’s easily frightened like Makoto is, but more because the excessive bodily trauma involved in the story is something he’d rather not dream about for the next two weeks.

(During one such restroom break, Rei thinks that he could have just told Nagisa he doesn’t like horror movies. He remembers the sunny smile the blonde had given him when he’d agreed, however, and thinks that no, he wouldn’t have been able to deny Nagisa this anyways.)

He spends approximately a third of the movie hanging out in the restroom, and only a fifth actually watching the movie. The rest, he spends on not-so-subtly staring at Nagisa and thinking about how he should _definitely_ ask him out on another date. Should _definitely_ drop by his workplace when he can. Should _maybe_ tell him he likes him, though he’s not sure if he’ll be met with warmth or not.

Should _maybe_ stop thinking that Nagisa is cute, with his curls and his cheeks and his eyes and his lips that all somehow seem to express exactly what he’s feeling.

Should _maybe_ tell Makoto? No. Maybe at a (much, _much_ ) later time.

Thankfully enough, the blonde is too engrossed in the movie and his popcorn to notice Rei’s misplaced attention, only pulling his eyes away from the screen every now and then to gleefully point out what must have been a particularly funny and/or gory scene, though Rei really wouldn’t know.

(When the movie ends and the lights turn on inside the cinema, Rei can’t stop laughing at the cheese decorating Nagisa’s face and hands, much to the blonde’s chagrin—he sweeps a thumb gently across the corner of Nagisa’s mouth to his lower lip to help rid of the orange powder, and he doesn’t realize he’s not breathing until the other man suddenly sneezes.

They laugh it off.)

 

 

 

“So are you treating me to lunch?” Nagisa asks with a bright grin, nudging Rei firmly with his shoulder.

The taller man laughs as he shrugs and adjusts his glasses. “Are you sure your stomach can handle any more food? You decimated an entire bucket of popcorn _and_ two hotdogs in the cinema,” he says, eyebrows furrowing in concern. “I don’t want you getting sick. _Again._ ”

Nagisa makes an incredulous face at him, as if to say ‘ _I can’t believe you just said that._ ’ “You underestimate me, Rei-chan!” he exclaims as he begins walking backwards. “Did you know that once, I ate three ramen specials in one sitting because Gou-chan and Haru-chan couldn’t finish theirs? And like hell was I gonna pay for all that!”

Rei shakes his head, worry giving way to amusement, and is about to voice his doubt, but the blonde cuts him off by standing right in front of him and pointing a finger threateningly at his nose.

“They were _this_ big!” Nagisa makes a sizeable circle with his arms. “You can ask Gou-chan and Haru-chan if you don’t believe me!”

There’s no point in arguing; if Rei _were_ to argue further, Nagisa would probably just try to prove his capability to resemble a black hole when faced with a buffet, and Rei’s not sure if either of their wallets can handle it.

So he just nods, and they continue walking to the food court.

That is until they come across a toy shop and Nagisa all but abandons his monologue about how realistic some of the shots in ‘Blood Thriller Mayhem: the Third’ were and if the crew actually bought real innards from butcher shops to achieve the effect. It’s not the best topic for a conversation right before lunch, and Rei is glad to follow Nagisa into the shop.

He finds Nagisa poring over a shelf of stuffed marine animals, where he’s mostly making fond noises at the penguins. “You _really_ like penguins, don’t you?” he asks, and receives a cheerful smile in response as the blonde picks one up and hides behind it.

“Hi, I’m Nagi-chan! What’s _your_ name?” Nagisa affects a high-pitched voice, one you’d likely hear from a magical girl character, and waves one of the penguin’s arm at Rei. He peeks out from behind it, eyes expectant, waiting for an answer.

Rei can’t help the chuckle that bubbles from his chest, an idea surfacing with the smile that threatens to split his cheeks. With a mumbled ‘ _wait right there_ ,’ he runs back to where he remembers there being large stuffed butterflies, returning to Nagisa after a few minutes with an ‘ _I’m Rei-chan! It’s nice to meet you,_ ’ in a voice so embarrassing that Nagisa’s knees almost buckle with the force of his laughter.

“It wasn’t _that_ funny!” Rei insists.

Nagisa’s continuing fit says otherwise.

 

 

 

 **From:** Haru-chan <3  
_You didn’t tell me you had a date_

 **From:** Haru-chan <3  
_I knew anyway because I accidentally saw your texts to Rei but  
__eh_

 **To:** Haru-chan <3  
_1) im not sure if its actually a date ok  
__2) WHY DID YOU LOOK THRU MY TEXTS U DICK  
__3) i hate u >:((((_

 **From:** Haru-chan <3  
_Eh anyways tell me about it later ok your cat misses you_

 

 

 

“You didn’t need to buy me anything, Rei-chan,” Nagisa says five minutes into the train ride back.

They sit comfortably close to each other, shoulder to shoulder, thighs touching, both of them trying not to move unnecessarily lest the moment be broken.

“I know,” Rei answers. “I wanted to.”

Nagisa runs a hand across the head of the stuffed penguin in his lap, relishing the softness beneath his fingers. “Thank you,” he tells Rei, struggling not to seem too besotted as he directs his smile at the taller man, who gives him a warm look in return. “I’m _really_ happy. Today was great.”

“Do you…” Rei starts, lips disappearing into a thin line when he feels his cheeks heat. “Would you want to go out again sometime?”

The blonde bites his lip, rubs at his wrist, squeezes his penguin as he tries to stop himself from dying right there and then. “Yeah,” he whispers. “I’d like that.”

Rei makes an ‘ _oh_ ’ sound. “S-so, does this mean… Nanase-san is just your friend?” he asks, and it only occurs to him that it’s a stupid decision once the words have left his mouth.

“He’s practically my brother,” Nagisa replies with a bemused expression.

An awkward pause.

“Wait. Rei-chan honestly thought Haru-chan was my _boyfriend_?” he continues incredulously, his confusion turning into amusement as he tries not to laugh. “But _why_?”

Rei removes his glasses and starts wiping at the smudges on the lenses with the hem of his shirt, decidedly avoiding meeting Nagisa’s eyes as he puts them back on—he knows he’s blushing badly, and that he has no way of getting out of this topic without feeling humiliated. “I-I’m not an expert on interpersonal relations, okay?” he mumbles with a pout, glancing at Nagisa from the corner of his eye.

The blonde grins as he rolls his eyes, nudging Rei with a shoulder before settling comfortably into the taller man’s side. “Well, just so you know, Rei-chan,” he yawns, head coming to rest on Rei’s shoulder, “you’re the only one I’ve liked in a long time.”

“What?” Rei’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, Nagisa’s voice having grown softer towards the end of his sentence. “Nagisa-kun, I didn’t hear you.”

But Nagisa only sighs contentedly into Rei’s jacket, already fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys like it! i have thirty five days of semestral break ahead of me so i hope i get into the habit of writing more often, though i dont think its possible because of my way too frequent mood swings. ( ´ ▽ ` ) but still. fingers crossed. thank you to everyone who's still reading, especially to those who leave comments and kudos! i love you all. ヽ(；▽；)ノ
> 
> [here's my tumblr if you guys want to talk! 〜(￣▽￣〜)](http://toasterization.tumblr.com/)


	8. Distressed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**Distressed,** adjective: feeling or showing extreme unhappiness or pain._

“Hello, Ryuugazaki,” Haruka greets flatly when Rei comes up to him to return another book. “How was the date?”

“Oh, it was _lovely_ , thanks for asking, Nanase-san,” Rei absently replies as he rifles through his bag in search for the book he borrowed amidst all the other books with it. “I think he likes me back and… um, I think… I think this is it—” He finally finds it—and when he hands it to Haruka, he sees the slight smile on the older man’s face and realizes that he _absolutely_ did _not_ mean to say as much as he did.

“And…?” Haruka urges as he takes the book and goes through the motions of stamping pages and cards.

“Um,” is the only thing Rei can force out, too overcome with embarrassment to say much else. “ _Um._ ”

The other man snorts while handing over Rei’s library card. “Nagisa won’t tell me anything, so it’s good to find out it went fine. I was worried,” he says, voice light with something Rei thinks is relief, though he can’t really be sure with Haruka.

Rei finds himself nodding and clutching his card to his chest. “Y-yeah, it was a wonderful time for both of us,” he reiterates. “I made sure of it.”

“Good, good,” Haruka replies with an almost-smile. The next second, though, his lips revert back to their emotionless default state, and his tone goes from light to threatening as he continues, “Just know that if you do _anything_ to hurt him, you _will_ regret it, okay? I know where you live.”

Rei’s eyebrows shoot up. “Yes, definitely, I would _never—_ ”

Haruka nods once in an approving manner, Rei assumes, and Rei takes that as the perfect opportunity to book it and run.

 

 

 

“ _Ugh_ ,” Gou breathes out customarily upon seeing her brother waltz into the café in that embarrassing way he usually does. She quickly ducks into the kitchen to put her apron away, grateful that he’s at least learned what time her break is, because otherwise she’d have to get Miho to ban him from the shop like with Nagisa because _honestly_.

When she finally sits down with Rin with a plate of slightly burnt cookies meant for the trash, it’s a surprise that he doesn’t automatically start yapping. “Hey, you feeling okay, bro?” she asks as she picks at the raisins on a misshapen oatmeal raisin cookie.

Rin doesn’t seem to be breathing. He breaks a chocolate chip cookie and pops one half into his mouth instead of replying, jaw moving slowly as he chews, as if he’s wondering the truth of the universe.

Which he probably is.

He’s pale, fidgety, all those things you’d expect from a murder suspect being interrogated, but Gou’s sure he hasn’t killed anyone recently (because to be honest, she’d be an accomplice if it ever happened) so he definitely must be contemplating his existence on this plane of reality.

“I have a problem,” Rin eventually says while grinding the rest of the chocolate chip cookie with his thumb.

Gou can’t help but snort. “No shit.”

Rin glares at her, bottom lip pulling downwards into a pout, looking like a petulant twelve-year-old for the most part, and Gou shrugs and mumbles an apology. She tries to be considerate, difficult as it may be, because he obviously does have something serious weighing on his shoulders, otherwise he wouldn’t be this quiet (which is a wonderful change, by the way, albeit a bit worrying).

With a heavy breath, Rin continues. “So you know how I don’t really like looking at my print,” he starts, looking up expectantly at his sister.

“You always said it was a bother,” she continues the thought for him while raising a raisinless oatmeal raisin cookie to her lips. “And you always hated how massive it was. I always thought it was pretty, though. And cool.”

The older redhead smiles as he rubs at his face, though the smile disappears just as quickly. “Yeah. The name’s appeared,” he replies—and he says it so nonchalantly, so easily that at first, the weight of his statement doesn’t register at all and Gou just lets out a noncommittal sound, because let’s face it, she’s not the best sister in the world and there are other things on her mind.

The next second, though, she’s shrieking incoherently and the café patrons are staring at their table. “Since when, oh my god, dude, who is it, tell me, tell me, tell m _eeee_ —” she rushes out in one breath once she’s settled on the edge of her seat.

Rin shushes her, because this is why he was avoiding telling anyone in the first place—Gou’s so excitable and loud and though he trusts her with his entirety, she’s still… well, excitable and loud.

He cuts her off by slapping a hand over her mouth. “You have to promise you won’t tell anyone first.”

Gou is quick to agree in her excitement, but when Rin hisses ‘ _not even Nagisa,_ ’ worry flashes in her eyes.

Gratefully, she doesn’t ask why.

 

 

 

 **From:** Nagisa ✿  
_rei channnnn!!!! gou just told me about this pastry shop name spring oasis or something and apparently they make the perfectest strawberry cakes????  
do u like sweets rei chan can we go sometime omg O:_

 **To:** Nagisa ✿  
_Perfectest isnt a word nagisa kun.  
__Let me check this weekend tho i might be free :)_

 **From:** Nagisa ✿  
_AWESUM AAAAA OMG lets meet up there just tell me when ;D_

 **To:** Nagisa ✿  
_Okay :) where is the shop located?_

Rei pauses at an intersection, looking at the buildings around him to see if the shop’s anywhere near while he waits for the light to turn green. Maybe he can buy those cakes to surprise Nagisa with at work—he’s already on the way to the café, anyways, since they haven’t seen each other since their (date? Can he call it a date? Haruka certainly thinks so.) _date_ the other day.

Even if it’s far, it’ll be worth it to walk all the way just to see Nagisa’s reaction.

His phone buzzes at the same time the light turns green, so he hangs back to check the address just in case he’s heading the wrong way. The crowd he was standing with politely avoid him as he stays rooted in his spot, trying to recall which street is where and which route will be the easiest to take.

He stands there for far too long, it seems—politeness in strangers can only be found in such an amount until you encounter someone rude who doesn’t care if they do a full body slam into you and cause you to drop your phone.

Rei thinks he hears an apology, but he’s too busy making an irritated face at the new scuff marks on his phone to acknowledge it. “What was _that_ , you— _you_ ,” he finishes weakly, the knot in his eyebrows loosening upon seeing those eyes he’d recognize anywhere, though he doesn’t know how since he’s only ever met this person once.

“ _Hi_ , sorry, sorry, I am really sorry—I promise that wasn’t on purpose,” Rin rushes out. “I recognized you, and I couldn’t believe it so I just kinda stood there and the _crowd—_ ugh, _sorry_ , is what I’m trying to say. I didn’t mean it.”

Rei raises a shaky hand to manually close his gaping mouth. “It’s okay,” he eventually says. “Hi. Matsuoka-kun, right?”

“Yeah. Hey, uh, Ryuugazaki-kun,” Rin copies, eyes shyly avoiding Rei. He rubs at the back of his neck with one hand, the other loosely holding a pink paper bag with the logo of the pastry shop Nagisa was talking about.

The redhead notices Rei staring at the bag and holds it up. “Oh, this? My sister was asking me to get her cake as payback for pestering her about—about things, constantly,” he mumbles, narrowly avoiding embarrassing himself. “Uh, look, I know we got off on the wrong foot, so can I make it up to you?”

Rei makes a confused face, though he’s sure his ears are burning. Did they get off on the wrong foot? He remembers Rin being too blunt about asking him to lunch and then being too embarrassed to say yes or no properly; if he thinks about it, Rin was the indirect reason for him standing Nagisa up, since.

Well, okay, actually it was all his fault, being a coward and thinking it wasn’t a good idea and totally backtracking—he hasn’t even told Nagisa why. It’d be bad form to remind Nagisa of it, but.

“Ryuugazaki-kun?” Rin’s voice brings Rei back to his senses, and Rei blushes again.

“Sorry,” Rei says.

Definitely the wrong foot, he decides.

Rin’s lips curl into an easy smile as he shakes the paper bag. “So, yes?” he asks hopefully. “My treat.”

Rei doesn’t know what possesses him to say yes.

 

 

 

“You like strawberry?” Rin asks after succumbing to Rei’s insistence that he pay for his own food. He watches the girl behind the counter take two slices of strawberry shortcake from the display, putting one in a takeaway container and the other on a fancy ceramic plate.

Rei shrugs. “I’m not much for it, but a… friend is absolutely enamoured with it,” he answers as he takes both cakes to a table near the counter. “I’m trying to figure out why.”

Rin sits across from him, face warped into an ‘ _I get it but I don’t_ ’ expression. He sticks a fork into his slice of dark chocolate cake and takes a bite. “ _Wow_ , that is good,” he mutters under his breath, quickly scooping another forkful into his mouth. “Want a taste?”

Rei shrugs again, saying ‘ _okay_ ’ with his shoulders. He goes to reach for Rin’s cake with his fork, but Rin already has a forkful slowly moving towards Rei; the younger man complies, albeit with reddening cheeks and a hesitance to look Rin in the eye.

A miniature bark of laughter escapes Rin’s throat, a lopsided smile on his face, and Rei scowls at him, thinking the redhead is laughing at his red face. It’s not exactly out of place to blush at such a situation, Rei silently argues with himself. Like _come on_ , you don’t spoonfeed a twenty-something you barely know. You just plain _don’t._

He’s about to voice his complaints when Rin reaches across the table to swipe a thumb over the corner of his mouth.

“There was…” the redhead mumbles, one hand gesturing to his own mouth, the other awkwardly held in the air—he obviously doesn’t know what to do with the bit of frosting on his thumb, if it’d be appropriate if he just ate it or if he should just wipe it on some tissues (which he quickly finds out they don’t have any, _damn it_ ). “Yeah.”

He goes ahead and eats it as unashamedly as he can manage.

Rei just barely manages to stop himself from making a fool of himself—how exactly, he’s not sure, but he’s sure it’ll be surely effective if he does—and instead makes a noncommittal noise in response, quickly digging into his own plate to avoid having to look at Rin or talk or whatever.

It tastes sweet, is the first thing that registers.

The sudden coldness biting his shoulder is the next thing he notices, and even though he feels rather averse to it at the moment, he meets Rin’s eyes. The redhead has a hand on his own shoulder, and the wrongness of Rei’s current situation—no, the wrongness of the entire _universe_ finally becomes clear.

They stare at each other for what must be eons.

Rei is ready to run away again, just like last time, but Rin is two seconds ahead of him.

“Don’t go,” Rin says. He doesn’t plead, though his face looks like he’s seriously contemplating it. “It’s surprising for you, I guess, but I. I don’t know. Just stay? Please?”

Rei sits back down, didn’t even realize that he’d stood up in the first place, and definitely does _not_ slouch. “Why should I?” he asks despite himself.

Rin pushes his hair back and attempts a weak smile, “I haven’t treated you to dinner yet.”

“ _Matsuoka-kun_ ,” Rei squeaks out, unable to help the pitch his voice veers toward. The pit of his stomach is doing peculiar things and he does not feel so well, both emotionally and physically. He thinks he might be allergic to strawberry.

“Rin,” the redhead replies instead of anything else—Rei would have preferred anything else. An ‘ _okay, I understand_ ’ maybe? That would have been better. “Call me Rin.”

 

 

 

Nagisa lies on the floor of his living room with his cat sitting contentedly on his chest, the weatherman’s reports background noise to his staring at his phone and waiting for Rei to text back. He scratches absently behind one of Bocchan’s ears, eyes darting from his phone to the ceiling repeatedly, to the point where he gets dizzy and has to close his eyes.

He’s not doing this out of some unhealthy obsession over Rei or whatever, mind you.

He’s just really, _really_ bored.

A content kind of bored, really.

He’s been on a cloud nine ever since his and Rei’s date. Haruka’s been trying to get him to spill the details, and normally he would, but this whole thing with Rei feels really special, for some reason. He wants to keep this special feeling to himself, revel in it, _not_ share it with anyone else (though Haruka will eventually find a way to make him spill).

You never know when something bad will happen, is the thing.

He wants to keep this feeling safe, wants to protect it from the world and the universe and _destiny_ ; he tries not to think about it too much, because happiness like this is rare, but he knows that they don’t match. He knows they aren’t each other’s—and maybe that’s okay. Maybe it’s okay that he doesn’t care to find the person he’s ‘meant to be with’ anymore, because this feeling he gets when he’s with Rei is something he would like to keep forever, however hasty a conclusion it might seem.

Bocchan nudges Nagisa’s hand, urging his owner to continue the petting; he meows in a tone that’s almost like angry and Nagisa smiles wanly.

“Yes, yes, I know,” the blonde mumbles as he gently runs a hand over the cat’s back.

The doorbell rings unexpectedly, and normally he’d run to see who it is, but the lethargy has already settled in his bones and Bocchan is so, _so_ heavy.

He almost falls asleep, almost convinces himself that he totally just imagined the doorbell ringing because of his immense boredom, but it rings again, this time ringing in that rhythm he and Makoto came up with one lunchtime after talking about their favourite musicians, and he’s suddenly full of energy and also apologies because he totally just threw Bocchan off his chest.

(You also never know when something good will happen, so there’s that at least.)

“Mako-chan!” he greets excitedly, automatically attacking Makoto with a hug once he’s stepped inside and the door’s closed. “Hi!”

The brunette laughs despite himself as he returns the embrace firmly. “Hey Nagisa,” he greets back, one hand ruffling the bird’s nest on top of the smaller man’s head. “Sorry to come by unannounced.”

“It’s okay, it’s totally okay,” Nagisa mumbles into Makoto’s jacket. “I always like it when we hang out, Mako-chan.”

They quietly stay like that for a few seconds, the prolonged hug a routine by now, both of them just soaking in each other’s warmth and affection; it’s not until Bocchan interrupts them by pawing at the plastic bag in one of Makoto’s hands that they separate.

Makoto scoops up the tabby before moving to the living room, setting the bag on the coffee table and Bocchan on his lap. “We always do lunch so I thought it’d be a nice change if we do dinner for once,” he explains to Nagisa, who is already rifling through the food Makoto brought with him. “Everything’s better when you’re with someone, right?”

Nagisa’s grin is as bright as the sun when he agrees enthusiastically, and Makoto has to try hard to hide his burning cheeks.

“Wait right there,” the blonde says as he gets up. “I’m gonna go get plates.”

Makoto watches Nagisa walk away, and he would keep staring if it weren’t for the cat that’s currently on his lap who’s staring at him intently; it’s almost as if he can see right into Makoto’s thoughts and is silently judging him for it. Or condemning him, maybe. That look is a contemptuous one, if Makoto’s ever seen one.

“I’m just here to tell him something important,” he tells Bocchan as he scratches a spot underneath the cat’s chin.

“What’s important, Mako-chan?” Nagisa asks out of nowhere, and Makoto jumps in surprise, jostling Bocchan’s position and causing him to move to the floor. The cat meows in even more disapproval and stalks off to his tiny makeshift bed (made up of Nagisa’s favourite clothes probably) beside the TV.

The brunette stammers out a ‘ _nothing,_ ’ promptly refusing when Nagisa offers to hang the jacket he’s still wearing on the rack by the doorway.

“Are you sure? It’s not exactly hot in here, but it isn’t cold either,” Nagisa says confusedly.

“Yeah, it’s okay, Nagisa-kun,” Makoto reassures him, relieved when the other man shrugs in response.

He rubs at his wrist.

Later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi wow gosh um im always saying sorry for only updating once every month and to be honest im really grateful that you guys still read this even after waiting so long??? like gosh. i mean i /assume/ youre still reading this piece of junk. bc youre reading _this_ so. haha
> 
> [um yeah gosh like always talk at me](http://toasterization.tumblr.com/)  
>  i super appreciate your comments and messages!!!! like super duper. i dont talk to people as much i want to and its sad tbh. ok this is tmi haha I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS CHAPTER that is super shitty kinda idk. personal opinion. aha. OTL


	9. Hesitant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**Hesitant,** adjective: slow to act or speak especially because you are nervous or unsure about what to do._

**To:** Makoto  
_I didnt think meeting your soulmate would be this tiring._

Rei stares at the words on his phone, unseeing, unfeeling, body moving along with the trembling of the train as it speeds him in the direction of home. He’s standing in a corner by the doors, feeling so small even with his height, and he thinks he looks very much like a child as he tries to shrink into the warmth of his coat.

Twenty, twenty-five seconds pass.

It’s unfair, he thinks.

It’s unfair, what the universe wants him to do.

 **To:** Makoto  
_Can i stay over? I dont think it would do well for me to be alone._

He doesn’t feel the train slow to a halt, too caught up in his thoughts; he only realizes it when the voice overhead announces that they’ve arrived at his stop and people start walking past him, elbows and bags and a few umbrellas occasionally hitting him as he tries to get out of his corner.

 **From:** Makoto  
_WHAT DO YOU MEAN???? YOU MET_  
_of course u can stay oh my god of course but ill be a bit late im sorry  
__you have my key anyways so see you there!! promise_

Rei bristles, questioning if what Makoto’s currently doing is more important than him.

He’d text exactly that but it’s too rude.

The world feels like it’s ending right now, and he feels like throwing a tantrum and crying his eyes out to get rid of all the nervous energy collecting underneath his skin, and he feels like running his mouth off about various things that could have a dire effect on their friendship. He’s emotional right now and that’s understandable, but Makoto doesn’t deserve to be subjected to such bad things.

He’s the only one to keep him grounded, after all.

His phone buzzes, and he pulls it out while absently unlocking his apartment door.

 **From:** Nagisa-kun :)  
_u never replied so ur probably busy so just in case  
__GOODNIGHT REI CHAN!!! <3 talk to you some other time <3_

Rei realizes he left the strawberry shortcake he bought for Nagisa at the café with Rin. He stops halfway through his doorway, biting his lip, a finger hovering over the keypad in his hesitation.

 **To:** Nagisa-kun :)  
_Are you home?_

 

 

 

Bocchan makes a haughty sound when his owner and his owner’s friend refuse to pay attention. He has already pushed food off the floor, played with the tall man’s jacket (and made it more fashionable), and meowed so loud that a neighbour knocked and told his owner to be quiet.

And still nothing.

And so he sits on his owner’s glowing pink rectangle and goes to sleep, purring contently at the warmth on his belly.

Ah yes.

Warm, sweet revenge.

Gou hears the door unlock and turns around to greet her brother home, but the absolutely miserable face on his face prevents the words from leaving her mouth. She approaches him, hands held out for a tentative hug that Rin practically runs into, unsteady and trembling with the amount of… _stuff_ he’s holding in.

He doesn’t cry, but he clutches onto the back of Gou’s cardigan as if it’s his lifeline.

It’s an awkward embrace, considering how much smaller Gou is than her brother. Nevertheless, they stay like that for what must be a comfortable yet overloaded eternity. He’ll open up when he feels ready to, this Gou knows. It might take a little while, but she’ll do what she can to help him until then.

 

 

 

Makoto has been too quiet during his stay—not enough to make Nagisa worried for his wellbeing, but... enough to make Nagisa worried for his wellbeing. The silence isn’t uncomfortable—it never really has been—but the face Makoto keeps making every time he thinks Nagisa isn’t paying attention makes the blonde’s chest seize rather painfully.

He keeps trying to ask if Makoto’s okay (while having a mouthful of beef and rice, while washing dishes, while picking Bocchan off Makoto’s head), but every time the answer is ‘don’t worry,’ which doesn’t necessarily mean he’s actually okay. It almost always means the person is not actually okay, and Nagisa just wants to very forcefully smush Makoto’s face with both his hands and force his real feelings out.

There are ridiculously complex plans running through his head, most of them making no sense, most of them involving cornering Makoto, and honestly, he wishes Makoto would just tell him, because this is making his beautiful golden hair turn whiter by the second.

So while they settle in for a romcom that Makoto picked, Nagisa ‘accidentally’ puts in a horror movie.

It doesn’t register with Makoto until the newly-married couple in the movie has settled into their new home, and the rocking chair starts moving while they have their backs turned.

“N-Nagisa?” Makoto stutters, hands already gripping Nagisa’s bicep. “I-Is this the right movie?”

Nagisa chews on his lower lip, feeling slightly guilty when he keeps quiet while the other man starts trembling beside him.

A door slams onscreen, making Makoto jump and release Nagisa’s arm. He hides his face behind a pillow, pleading, “C-can we stop watching? Nagisa…”

“I won’t turn it off unless you tell me what’s wrong,” the blonde says firmly, leaving no space for argument.

Makoto peeks from behind the pillow, eyebrows furrowed, a nervous look on his face, his shoulders and hands tense, and Nagisa feels even guiltier.

“I… Not now. It’s not the right time,” Makoto answers, voice surprisingly steady, though his expression betrays his current emotions.

Despite his threat, Nagisa gives in pretty quickly (who can stand looking at Makoto upset?) and turns off the television before rearranging himself closer to Makoto, knees on the couch, one hand reaching for the pillow while the other reaches for Makoto’s cheek. “What’s wrong, Mako-chan?” he asks quietly. “You can tell me, okay? I’ll try my best to help.”

The other man’s obvious nervousness amplifies tenfold. Makoto’s breathing stops just short of a full inhale, and his chest releases the air shakily, his eyes looking anywhere but at Nagisa as he puts the pillow aside.

There is a silence that stretches to the ends of the universe and back, and it makes Nagisa’s limbs go weak with apprehension.

And then his entire being turns to jelly when there’s suddenly soft lips against his.

His heartbeat slows down, and his skin burns with heat and ice, and his chest about to explode, and after an entire half-second, when Makoto is about to pull back, he hesitantly kisses back, arms cautiously coming to rest on the taller man’s shoulders. Makoto’s right hand reaches for Nagisa’s left hand, and they twirl their fingers together. Nagisa feels like he could grow wings, just with this moment.

A blossoming feeling in their wrists is the next thing they feel, making them pull back carefully, cheeks flushed with embarrassment, smiles complementing each other’s, everything seeming utterly and irrevocably _complete._

The silence stays, lighter now, more freeing than before, and Nagisa giggles, gingerly touching his fingers to his lips.

Makoto can’t help but grin back, chest bursting with emotion: relief, relief, relief, _happiness._

Bocchan meows disapprovingly from the table.

 

 

 

Rei takes a deep breath when he gets off the train at Nagisa’s stop, slowly letting it go as he walks out of the station with butterflies in his chest and lead in his stomach and a growing sense of dread about this horrible, horrible, _horrible_ decision.

He doesn’t know what’s come over him today. First with Ri— _Matsuoka_ , and now this.

The first bad decision was a bad decision all the way through: at first it was okay, just eating cake with someone who is attracted to him, making it up to him for running away the first time, but then the whole… painful realization, both physically and emotionally, that he was eating cake with his _soulmate_ , when he is already involved with someone else, who he likes very much.

Then agreeing to _dinner_.

And he actually expected it to go right.

It was a hellish, awkward hour, and he regrets subjecting Matsuoka to that. He deserves better.

Nagisa deserves better.

Rei practically cheated on him. They’re not officially together, he knows that, but the fact that they acknowledged they weren’t matched and still dated must mean something, right? He wants to come clean to Nagisa, and if Nagisa wants to turn his back to Rei because of this, then he’ll accept that answer without resent.

Tears prickle his eyes and he blinks them back, taking care to wipe them away before crossing the street. He doesn’t want to die before fulfilling this second decision, this infinitely stupid decision that he made, like, ten minutes ago.

He can’t help but laugh at his overdramatic tendencies.

Before he knows it, he’s in front of the apartment complex Nagisa lives in, and he steels himself again, clenching his fists as he climbs the stairs and stomps all the way to the front of Nagisa’s door.

He must be disturbing the other residents.

He rings the doorbell.

His heartbeat thunders in his ears.

 _This is it_ , he tells himself.

He hears footsteps approaching the door.

_There’s no going back now._

Rei’s resolve absolutely crumbles when it isn’t Nagisa that answers the door but Makoto, an impossibly bright and brilliant smile on his face that turns into a confused expression upon recognizing his best friend.

“Rei…?” the taller man says. “How did you know where I was? Wait, do you know Nagisa?”

The way his voice makes Nagisa’s name sounds grates on Rei’s ears, but he puts on a poker face. “Yes, I do, actually,” he answers, not attempting a smile because he knows it will show his real emotions, and he wants to end this on good terms with Makoto. “Is he there?”

Hopefully his heart holds out that long.

“Yeah, he is. Come in,” Makoto replies, frowning. “I’m sorry, I was about to leave in a bit, I swear. How did you meet your match?”

Rei must seem upset enough that the other man knows he won’t be answering.

“Mako-chan? Who’s there?” Nagisa calls from the living room, turning in his seat to look. He’s wearing the butterfly pajamas he practically stole from Rei, and Rei laughs at the concept of destiny.

The color instantly drains from Nagisa’s face the moment he sees Rei, and just from that, he knows it’s already happened. He feels regretful, disappointed, hopeless, every awful feeling circulating in his gut as he puts on a smile just for Nagisa.

It’s shaky, but it’s a smile.

Just for Nagisa.

“I was just dropping by to inform you that I met my match,” Rei says, voice wavering pathetically, and he watches as Nagisa covers his mouth. His sight is getting blurry, and he curses his glasses for being ineffective at their job. “I went out with him for cake, and then dinner, but I, uh, regret we did not _click_ , as they say.”

He can feel Makoto’s warm presence behind him.

“I wanted to tell you because I thought you had the right to know.”

And then he leaves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit i hope you guys can find it in your hearts to forgive me for being gone for practically a year!! :'( since writing chapter 8 in february, i couldnt write. at all. i havent written anything substantial since then, aside from the occasional school paper, which doesnt really count. so its such a relief to finally write something again, and something i am immensely proud of, to top it off. i hope you guys also find it as awesome as i do because DAMN. I OUTDID MYSELF ON THIS ONE.
> 
> this chapter is a bit shorter than the rest, but its so perfect that i couldnt add anything else.
> 
> im still at [toasterization](http://toasterization.tumblr.com/) on tumblr so please feel free to scream at me there too :) !!


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